Monday, July 09, 2007

It's Only Called Drowning If You Stop Wanting to Live.

You know the saying, "Just trying to keep my head above water"? I have given up on that. My life has been so harried lately. I can't keep my head above water any more. I can't keep swimming with the same view ahead of me. I have taken a deep breath and succumbed to the depths and the blue of below the surface. It's only drowning when you give up and stop wanting to experience it all. I have given up trying to keep it all afloat and keep juggling the same tasks, keep going at the same frantic pace, keep doing the same heroic things. I am taking a lung full of air and diving in deep to see what I have been trying to avoid for so long. Maybe under the surface, it is paradise, and all this time I have been fighting against it. To be completely open to life, is to be willing to endure the inevitable pain associated with living fully. To take that lung full of air, feel the pain of doing something completely new and scary- not just fighting to keep up the same old stuff, struggling to keep your head above water. I am doing it. Rolling with the waves, holding my breath like a free diver, taking in the new world before me. It's adventurous. It is risky. It is possibly going to get me into trouble that I cannot foresee. It is, at this very moment in time, FUN.

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