Friday, December 20, 2013

I Am a Model

It has been a luminous year. On New Year's I made a resolution to love and accept myself unconditionally ( New Day ). That meant flaws and all. Lazy or full of action, I had my own back. Looking into the reflection in the mirror I made lists of qualities I like about myself when doubts and darker thoughts would try to seep in. I always had me in my own corner and the magic that happened was palpable.

When we took our big family vacation, other people's moods or opinions about the way things were going became none of my business. My job was to keep me happy and simply "hold space" for whatever anyone else was feeling. It was the best vacation ever for me. I held by points of reference on myself and maintained a fantastic level of self love and acceptance. I see now how the result of such an action is the overflowing of love for others. You find yourself no longer looking to others to meet your needs. When your own needs are met, you feel happier, more fulfilled and more loving.

I took care of lots of kids this summer and without judgement, allowed myself whatever food I wanted. It was the summer of the cheeseburger. As long as it didn't make me sick, I ate it. By the end of the summer, my clothes were tight and by belly was soft and round. It was a great opportunity for me to really love all the parts of me that allowed me to play. My strong heart and legs continued to take me on hikes in the foothills. My arms held me up in yoga. My back was strong and permitted me to carry all that I needed to carry (including children) at any given time. My vision began to change drastically but I still had the ability to see clearly (without my glasses at times). My hearing allowed me to take in voices and music and make out the origins of various bumps in the night. My nose continued to guide me to the right essential oils for healing and candles. My skin grew more soft and smooth with all the loving tenderness bestowed by me and my oil/lotion blends. Although more round, my body still offers me a perfect vehicle to FEEL in. Even the feeling of mud on my face became joyous.

I listened to myself more. I asked myself what activities brought me energy and what activities drained me of it. Kids seem to feed me and so I spent lots of time with kids, creating. I spent time playing in my body in yoga with Eddie at Yoga Soup and hiking barefoot in the San Marcos Foothills. I played in the ocean with my friend Jill and spent a glorious weekend in the redwoods with friends and deep meditation.

I have realized that this recipe, of LOVING one's self first, is an excellent behavior to model.

I offer you, in whatever form of being you come in, to find LOVE and pure, unconditional acceptance for yourself now, and try, one day at a time, to maintain this for a year.

 Just see how you feel at the end like I have. See if the sparkle in your eye shines for you as brightly as mine does for me. You too are a model. 

You are that beautiful.

Wednesday, November 13, 2013

Totem Animal

I'm a cat lady. It's true. When I met my husband to be, I had three cats. I have always had cats. I like their independence. I like it that it is always their choice to engage in a relationship with you. They are not bound to you (their owners) by food. You earn their love. It means something to  get a feral cat to be your lap cat (which I have done). They are arrogant, independent and only somewhat predictable. I love that even "domesticated" cats are really still wild.

Clarissa was a feral kitten. Born under someone's house in the Pacific Palisades. She was captured at what seemed to be the appropriate age by a neighbor, brought to my mom in Los Angeles and then home to us in Santa Barbara.

Clarissa was my feline gift to my six year old daughter who is now 13.

 Clarissa is the sole cat in our house now and I have been feeling a pull for more cat energy. I have decided to volunteer at the local cat shelter.  

During deep meditation I saw that my main animal totem is CAT. It always has been. Independent, affectionate on it's own terms, able to survive without help, swift, cunning, athletic, loving, and with a loud purrrrrr.

This will be the beginning of many new relationships and possibly new family members are coming.

Tuesday, October 29, 2013

Self Care

On a quest for true self care I find Evan's Relaxation Station and Reflexology. As I am sitting there in the over-stuffed chair, blanketed in warmth and having the soles of my feet massaged in a systematic fashion that supposedly reaches to all my internal organs, I think about self care. I think, 'this can be done the easy way or the hard way'. The easy way is like this, closing the eyes and going inward. Feeling the body. Moving the mind through the joints, muscles, organs and systems. Feeling absolute gratitude for the body that has a thousand seamless systems running simultaneously without an overseer. 

The easy way involves absolute pleasure. Believe me when I tell you, stroking the insides of the toes is sinfully delicious. Feeling the tightness of the ankles being teased into relaxation is better, so much better than the alternative. Illness.

 The hard way to acknowledge the body is through illness. Cancer and the treatments assigned to it, are the hard way of reflecting the mind inward to all the organs, tissues and systems. Too little, too late. 

When we neglect to care for ourselves with love, our bodies must retaliate and demand care with illness.

Today, choose to honor your body with pleasurable sensations. Sand between the toes, the warm sun on bare skin, music, delicious food, a massage, meditation. Treat your body well so that it will not need to get your attention with disease and pain.

Here are my suggestions:

barefoot walk on the beach or in nature
aromatherapy bath
have someone brush your hair
scratch your back
light a candle
paint a picture
write a blog.

Thursday, September 26, 2013


Today is my 45th birthday. I am full of gratitude, for I know that appreciation is the key to happiness. I have to take this opportunity to express my gratitude for all that I am thankful for. Ok, maybe not all.

I am grateful to be Kieran's mother. Her artistry brings me joy, JOY, with a capital "j". And... she makes me laugh.

I am grateful for my four daughters, whom I love so much, it makes my heart hurt. I am grateful for Darcy for sharing Cadence, Quinlan and Faith with me to love.

I am grateful for my son. He shares my desire to see the sun rise every morning and he is highly amusing

I am grateful to my beloved husband for being such a giving, supportive partner.

I am SO grateful for my sisters. They are the best friends who can NEVER divorce me. They will always love me, no matter what I am wearing.

I am grateful for my mom and Poppy Tom. I couldn't ask for better parents as an adult.
They are great role models of how to be (very) good people.

I'm grateful for my oldest friends, Tina and Lara, who have known/loved me since I was 7. They are still two of my closest friends in this lifetime.

In the past 13 years, I have been, and continue to be, grateful for my friend, Jill, who knows how to LIVE the way I like to LIVE.

I am grateful for kids!
and kids

and fossils

and sharks with a sense of humor
and animals who choose us as friends.

I am grateful for the beauty in the universe
I am grateful for friends who break your heart by leaving,

 then heal it with the love that comes when they come home.

I am grateful for adventures and play and being wrong and my body (in whatever form it comes in from day to day), yoga with Eddie, music and dancing, gemstones, essential oils and candles.
I am grateful for magic and the present breath of now.
for now.
* Actually, my birthday was yesterday, September 25th, if you must know. I started writing this blog yesterday but finished it today.

Sunday, September 01, 2013


 Love is the energy of September, and Candle of the Moon reflects this; it contains Rhodonite, a stone that nurtures love and encourages the brotherhood of humanity, and is scented with my favorite essential oils; lavender, lemongrass and ylang ylang.  

 Dragons from Kieran and Jena were my models for the beautiful love energy. 

Love plays in the wet sand at the beach.
Love shows up to big events and wears uncomfortable shoes.

Love comes in the form of other earthy beings and opens your heart wide with awe.

Love is honest and doesn't struggle with its process.

Love is always willing to play.

Love gets dirty

Love says yes, even when she is afraid.

Love blossoms in water

Love reminds us to be joyful and stay present in the moment.

Love knows how to be happy anywhere

Love has an open mind

Love jumps in the water with her clothes on

Love never stops