Thursday, June 29, 2006


This Wednesday is the full moon. Scientifically, I can tell you, that the full moon, because of it's position in opposing the sun, pulls the oceans (and everything else) in it's gravitational exchange. The tides are more extreme during a full moon (and even more so during the new moon). Evolutionarily, the tidal fluctuations were probably responsible for life emerging from the oceans and populating land, as it allowed oceanic life the opportunity to evolve mechinisms of survival outside that of water.

Spiritually, the full moon amplifies intentions and actions. Whatever you do during the full moon, whatever your intentions, the moon intensifies the effects. My daily goals have been to let go of judgement, annoyance, fear, struggle, and any negativity. So far so good- I have made it through a whirlwind of travel, happy and content and relatively stress free. But... my inner diologue has played a part in helping me let go of certain things. Conflict keeps rising up in me in the form of annoyance with some people. I read a profound statement that illuminated the solution to this problem. It was to imagine that person, or any for whom you foster any negativity, and hold them in your heart as perfect. Perfect where they are, as they are. To achieve nirvana is to ease all sufferring. The great thing about this is that you have the power within you to suffer or to not suffer. Even in difficulty and in pain, out mind and our heart can be serene.

So, my inner diolugue and excercise has gone something like this.... I stuggle with my feelings of annoyance by telling myself that the person bugging me is perfect, just where he/she is. I do not have to suffer. I can exchange my annoyance for love if I choose, and in the action of thinking this, I am bathed in serenity. I SWEAR it works!!!!

Of course, it is a bit more difficult to apply this technique when the subject of annoyance is your two small children arguing in the back seat of the car over a plastic tiger while you are trying to navigate a crowded freeway....but, the goal for me is to keep on trying.

I will use this upcoming full moon to set my intentions for the ease of sufferring and great abundance which I will share wholeheartedly.

What can I do for you?

Wednesday, June 28, 2006

Go There

Fear can be such a paradox. It can tighten your muscles, shorten your breath, make your heart race, steiffel your voice, stop you short of acting, inhibit your experiences, sabotage your successes. Fear can kill you before the thing you are afraid of has a chance to. I used to have nightmares of all the things I was terrified of. Great white sharks eating me whole, men chasing me, trying to hurt or kill me, my boyfriend cheating, my husband communing with his ex-wife, my children in danger, nuclear wepons being deployed. I have had to face all of these fears in my subconscious and realize, in the process of dreaming, that the fear is potentially more harmful than the actual thing of which I am fearful. I am very much aware of my mind's ability to manifest my reality, and so I don't entertain these fears in my waking hours. Ever. I am not afraid of identity theft, car jacking, burglury, earthquake, tsunami, fire, etc. I figure, I'll have the tools to deal with any situation that may arise and I'll keep with me my attitude, loving nature and sense of humor at all times. Hey, I know this lifetime is relatively short and I'm willing to risk being uncomfortable for the exchange of a rich, experiential life. As I'm getting older, I realize my fear is diminishing. Victims create themselves with their fear. I don't think I will ever be one. As I think about my marriage, any fears I may have carried with me up till now, have cleared, like morning fog. I hope to share this power with you. Just for today, I ask you to erase any and all fears or doubts you may have. What would you do without the fear? How will you react to a situation without the fear? How will you persue your dreams without the fear? How will you interact with your partner without the fear? Let me know how it goes.

Lust For Life

Tomorrow morning I will leave my house at two AM, pack four kids in the car and drive to LAX for a six am flight across the country. I will spend seven days in a large house with my parents, sisters, their husbands and ALL of our eleven kids. We will eat together, swim together, make messes, clean up. There will be tantrums and sunburns, singing and poetry. We will write letters and have a talent show, eat and over-eat. Some of us will be cranky at times, maybe get our feelings hurt, but we will be together. As a family. I have a lust for life. I want to both devour it and savor it delicately. I get distracted as I pack because Clarissa, the kitten, walks by me, brushing her lean teenage cat body against my leg. I have to take a moment to hold her, scratching behind her ears, feeling the rumbling purr. I will be away from my desk for three weeks. After a week on the beach, I jet off with my kids and meet up with my husband for two weeks in Ireland. He has set us up for an adventure that includes a fifteenth century single-family castle and a small village cottage. We like to live as if we were a part of a place, a part of a time, not visitors, passing through on the fringe. It will be an experience full of sensations I haven't yet had, yet already feel so familiar. I will have stories to tell anecdotes to report, musings and incidents that will inevitably change me for the better. I have a lust for life.

Friday, June 23, 2006

In Deep

There we stand, at the altar, in front of our family, friends, looking into each other's eyes and making promises about the future while not really knowing how it will unfold or what kind of people we will be when we encounter sickness and heath, richness or poverty, better times or worse. So, down the road, we have changed into different people. We have metamorphosized into fathers and mothers. Our relationship becomes more efficient and less emotional, and inevitably, we feel diconnected, discontent, lonely, and confused. We may even feel angry, betrayed, unloved and unappreciated. We seek solace. We seek comfort. If we are uncomfortable being vulnerable with our spouse, we seek it elsewhere. We get into trouble.

I have seen divorce. I have experienced it as a child, four times by my mother, whom I adore. I KNOW that marriage is hard. The way I see it is this. At the inception of marriage,we know enough about each other to make a judgement call about the future, but we are not static. We are all constantly changing and growing. We cannot expect our partners to be exactly the same from day to day, they and we, have the right to grow and evolve. I feel like I am just getting to know my husband of seven years. I do not feel that I know him completely and I never take for granted that he is an interesting, desireable person who chooses on a daily basis to spend his life with me. He is not "mine", I do not own him. His body is his and I am fortunate that he chooses to share it with me, as I choose to share mine with him. Our marriage is an exploration. As the years are passing, I feel that the roots of our feelings are growing, deeper, stronger. I am not afraid of infidelity. I appreciate my husband, look at him from the perspective of other women and let him know how handsome, sexy, loving, thoughtful and wonderful he is. He also verbalizes more and more his appreciation and affection for me. Over time, we are knowing each other more and enjoying the comingled experience of being together and parenting our children. What happens, though, when we encounter real hurdles? What happens when one of us gets sick. Really sick? Terminally ill? How do we cope? How do we hold ourselves together and take care of ourselves so we can take care them? How do we make sense of financial instability, infidelity, addictions? How do we survive as individuals so that the marriage will? Can we come out of such a conflict intact? Can we come out stronger? I think we can. I have hope, I have confidence that if we look only at ourselves, at our part, and are able to feel compassion for our partner, as much compassion as we would provide to a friend, we can survive. In marriage, we get confused and let the boundaries between husband and wife blur. We think of our spouse as us. We think of ourselves as one. We are hard on ourselves and hard on our spouse. We loose compassion, the ability to forgive human weakness, the inevitability of making mistakes. We get bruised and grow fearful. We harden and turn cold. We shut down and stop talking. We forget to voice our needs without anticipationg what the response might be. We manifest failure.

I am writing this to encourage a shift. We can heal. We can survive. We can love, even when times are tough. We can own up to our own issues. We can and should say, I was wrong. I am sorry. We can change. We can mean it when we say I love you. We can truly mean it when we make those promises about loving for better or for worse, in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer, until death do us part. We can love deeply and feel loved completely, for lifetimes.

Monday, June 19, 2006

Get Uncomfortable

Sometimes the key to gratitude is walking into discomfort. I can remember vividly the summer after college graduation when I spent two months in Ecuador to participate in medical research with two of my favorite college professors and another student who became my good friend. Those sixty days were long, hot, dirty, and lonely in addition to being influential and beneficial for character building. We were stuck a lot in gooey, sticky, boot-sucking mud on long trails that led to houses with no outhouses or running water. No gas for fire, no dry wood for cooking, and of course, no electricity. This was the trip that started in a cheap hotel in Quito, where Dr. Rudy's backpack (with all of his money, eyeglasses, radio and other important things) was stolen on the first day, and prostitutes had the bed in the next room squeaking all night. This trip also started with a drive in a cab through a cloud of smoke that burned my eyes and nose and turned out to be tear gas from a riot to protest the escalation of the price of fuel. When the sixty days were over, and I was home again, my heart swelled with gratitude for the modern conveniences which were really luxuries. A flushing toilet, warm water, a gas stove that you could just cook on, clean water that you could just drink, paved roads. And my heart swelled with love for the Ecuadorian families who were able to create a home for their children with delicious food and joyous pasttimes like soccer while living without the modern tools we have come to take for granted in this country. Families that were young and strong and bound tightly together in the rigors of life and the simple joys that come from simple living. I came home reluctantly, missing my experiences. Missing the hostel we found in Quito, on a beautiful maple-lined street, where we had a clean room and breakfast for seven dollars a night. Missing the music and the beautiful arts available on the streets. Missing the discomfort that I learned to embrace and love and appreciate. Have you ever had an experience like that? One that makes you come home happy to see your house, no matter the state of disarray? I did it today. I worked in a doctor's office, strapped to a desk, being of service, doing everything I could. I came home to a very messy house, to children I MISSED, happy to be there. I came home happy to prepare dinner. I needed that.

I created this belly chain using Labradorite, amazonite and aquamarine. It is a powerful, protective enlightening piece. Guarenteed to make you happy and appreciative in the most difficult of situations all the while, protecting and aligning you and diminishing your fear so you are left with only the pleasure of getting uncomfortable.

Thursday, June 15, 2006

How To Wear It

It's not by accident that the therapeutic jewelry I create is intended to be worn at your core. The belly is the mid point of your chakra system, the uniting locale where earth and sky come together. The terra celeste. I have come over and over to the road block of a woman saying, "I could not possibly wear a piece of jewelry at my waist. I do not have the belly for it!" I wish to emphasize to those women and to those people who are to be exposed to my work, that the belly chain has a job to do. Like a bra, who's job it is to support your breasts, the job of the belly chain is to support your upper and lower chakra systems from your median. The belly chain is most effective when it is touching your skin. It should therefore be worn under your clothes. It is for you, for your body and for, potentially, your eyes only. I have never heard a woman say, that she could not possibly wear a bra, for her body is not fit enough to wear one. I hope never to hear another woman claim that her body is not worthy of the therapeutic and nurturing benefits of the belly chain. I wear on average, three a day, under my clothes. They are not bulky. They do not jingle. I, because I am not shy about my belly, often expose the chains I'm wearing to describe what it is that I do. And, because my work is custom, your size does not matter to me. What matters to me is that the chain will encircle you, as it should. Even if you resemble Saturn, I will create your rings. I am not a jeweler. I am a practitioner. My job is to help, guide, nurture, heal, love, encourage, support and cherish. Please, do not let the condition of your body dictate your worthiness to receive my gifts. Feel free to ask any questions or make any comments. I am happy you have found me. Please let me find you.

Sunday, June 11, 2006

Gratitude in the Fitting Room

I was trying on the new "miracle suit" at Nordstrom the other day. I wanted to see if I really did look ten pounds lighter in ten seconds. Here's what I saw. If I had been gazing not at myself but on some other woman in the black cross over one piece, I would have thought, "she looks nice, elegant, sleek, handsome, not a waif, but a woman, full and lovely". What I thought of myself was... I am wide, very wide from behind, my skin is lumpy, dimpled and discolored with bruises and spider veins, and where did my real body go? You know what I'm talking about. The body that was free and easy in a bikini. The body I used to self consiously wrap a towel around for the trip from my beach blanket to the water. Where is my real body? Why is this memory of my former self the model of comparison? I haven't looked like that in many years. I am thirty seven now. Still comparably young and younger than I will ever be. I realize that my body is still beautiful and my gift and absolutely deserves to be cherished even in its lumpy, puckered, blotchy form. It still allows me to be comfortablt mobile, to wrestle my children into submission, to travel, to enjoy things like food and wine, flowers and stars. My body can hear music and still dance to it. My body can make jewelry and write this essay. My body could even be one of the Dove models in the campaign for real beauty, which I love, by the way.

I didn't buy the miracle suit. I have a cute halter top and skirt left over from last summer that I can hit the beach in this summer. I am experimenting with the Go Gratitude ( symbol in sterling silver wire as a reminder of my gratitude for my beautiful, perfectly healthy and functional body.

Saturday, June 10, 2006

Right Where I Belong

Have you ever heard of "divine timing"? Its the reason you sometimes feel like you don't fit in or things just aren't going the way you want them to, or why you haven't gotten "there" yet- assuming you know where it is you want to be. Divine timing, I was reminded yesterday, as I pulled it from my angel oracle deck, means that certain things have to happen in order for you to get where you need to be. Haven't you ever gained completion of something and seen that the precarious situations that seemed so wrong were actually essential to the achievement of that final outcome? O.K., So right at this very moment, I am here to remind you that you are right where you need to be. Let your heart rest easy and worry not. Hold yourself in gratitude for all the hardships that have brought you to this point and remember to enjoy the journey because it will all be over too fast.

This belly chain contains Sugilite, which is described as one of the major love stones. It also serves as a conduit of information, reminding you of why you are here and what your purpose is. Judy Hall writes in The Crystal Bible that sugilite is useful for misfits of any kind, which I interpret as helping you know of your own divine timing. Misfits are only misfits until the puzzle comes entirely together, then they know exactly where they fit. Some of the most revered people in history were misfits. Think of Van Gogh. So, you are right where you belong. Remember to trust yourself and enjoy your journey as well as the destination.

Thursday, June 08, 2006

Make My Day

I am a nurturer by nature. A giver. I have always been this way, feeling joyful in the action of making someone else feel good. I like to comfort and reassure. I find my true self when this part of me is in action. For the past year and a half, I have been trying to allow my talents and gifts evolve into action. For now, what you see before you is the fruit of that evolution. The melding of what makes me happy with that which I am good at. This piece represents the first person who began not as a friend of a friend, or even someone who knew of me, but someone who found me, as I want to be found, and allowed me to do what I do; reach out, from a distance and nurture. The stones carry the energy and intention beautifully, as beautifully as words, only more tangible. I thank you Kim, for finding me and igniting what I hope will be a blazing fire and a journey that touches many souls.

Kim requested a bracelet. I am willing to make for you what ever you feel you need or are ready for. I am especially skilled at listening and interpreting what your therapeutic needs might be. Try me. It will make me so happy!!!

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

There's More Where That Came From

Two years ago, I lost my position as a pharmaceutical representative with Merck. I had worked for Merck for nine years and being the loyal, patient person that I am, probably never would have left. A realignemnt of the sales force left me without my job but allowed me to retain my dignity and gradually, through the generosity of severance pay, learn how to cope as a "kept woman". I used to juggle like nobody's business. My marriage, role as a mother, stepmother, hardworking member of a team, educated, intellegent, informed face in front of physicians, and of course, I had my own creative needs.... Thinking back on it now, I don't know how I did it. I am now a full time mother, stepmother, wife, writer, photographer, jewelry designer and creator, etc.... I also keep the house running, the bills paid, the oil changed in the car, the animals fed, I work in the classroom, try and exercise regularly, maintain friendships not to mention the almost daily trips to all the different grocery stores. I know you know what I am talking about because your life is most likely very similar to mine. Do you find yourself with a half an hour and no comitments and ask yourself, "What can I get done in this small window of time?" Do you weigh the pros and cons of not picking up the toys that litter the living room floor and what you could do for your self during the time it would take for you to vacuume the scuzzy carpet? I do. My house in not even close to clean and is infrequently tidy. I figure that eventually, the kids will grow up and retreat to the confines of their rooms and in time, a long time, they will move away. My husband and I will have a zen sanctuary with bubbling fountains in our gardens and sleek yet comfortably modern furnuiture in our living areas that we will be proud to share with friends. Yes, we will have it all. Abundance, prosperity, time to relax and enjoy the quiet .... ahhhhhh.

This belly chain was created utilizing stones to attract wealth and abundance. As I put it together it emitted a feeling of never-ending resources. Of all that was needed would be there, for me or anyone else. Its name is "There's More Where That Came From" and I truly believe there is. This morning I had five children under the age of six running around the house and screaming, slamming doors, tossing pillows. You can imagine. They asked, as I was getting them out of the car at school, if I had any dollars to "kidnap Ms. Faulkner" - a PTA fun way to fundraise for a thank you lunch for the teachers at the end of the year. All I had were three fives and two singles, so I handed them out- one bill for each child. I figured that there would be more where that came from.

Friday, June 02, 2006

My Most Embarassing Moment

This is me. You may have noticed that in this picture, I am wearing a hat. And gloves. It was December, 2005. My sisters and I made reservations at some shee-shee hotel in Beverly Hills to surprise our mother for her 59th birthday by taking her and all of our female children (minus the two youngest) to high tea. I made Mom a card and insisted that we all don hats and gloves for this special occasion. My sisters thought this was a VERY BAD idea. They said, "we wouldn't be caught dead in vintage hats and gloves- no way- absolutely not." Mom said she would do it, as I knew she would. She is always game for adding a little theatrical spice to her experiences, but again, the big sisters said NO. So, being the defiant woman, and little sister that I am, I tucked a chice hat and pair of gloves from Mom's extensive vintage dress-up collection into my hand bag and off we went to tea. After our order was taken, I pulled my accessories out and put them on. "You are NOT wearing that!!" one of my sisters said, and yet, her amusement was evident, as it always is when she tells me that I have on a "NICE getup". I love this response so much that I often don creative "get-ups" just for her. My secret? I'm beyond mortification. I have been in more humiliating, embarassing situations than I can count. I haven't died yet, and It seems that these situations are always good for a laugh. For example, eighth grade, I forgot to zip my fly after fouth period P.E. on the day that all my respectable panties were dirty and I was forced to wear the ones with the kids bowling in hot pink graphics. As I sat innocently on the grass eating my lunch, Peter Gentry, a very cute and popular boy, stood over me and said, "nice underwear" with a sneer. Yeah, these things stay with you, obviously. Then there was the time in 11th grade when I walked very quickly down the crowded hall, between classes to the bathroom only to find a baseball sized spot of blood on the back of my white Norma Kamali skirt. I've gone down the slopes in the "bucket" after doing my impersonation of a human snow ball, sang solo and slightly off key at my sister's wedding, been seen in multitudes of creative but not necessarily fashionable "get ups", called people by the wrong name, had my slip show, have forgotten to wear a slip, had lipsick on my teeth, had my breast exposed or my skirt pulled down by a tantruming toddler, I have even called attention to my, large, wide ass by dancing to the song I Like Big Butts for out family talent show,and much much more. I am immune to embarassment. I actually LIKE the spice it gives to my life and others' by taking the seriousness out and putting humility and humor in. So, next time you have an embarassing moment or have the opportunity to dress up, I would like to encourage you to stand out instead of blending in. Take the risk of embarassing yourself. It won't kill you, it will remind you that you are human and part of being truly human is making "mistakes" and feeling silly. I can assure you that during our summer vacation together, I will be donning some choice get-ups for the amusement of my sisters, mother, nieces and nephews, brothers in law, step father, my children and husband. If it sparkles, shines or has feathers, I'm wearing it.