Tuesday, November 14, 2006

The Secret

She whispers it to me. Laughing, hiding her mouth so I only see her eyes. It is fun for her to know this and keep it hidden from me. She says it is like a present that you can unwrap at any time. The secret is..... We create our own experience. In essence, we are driving our own destiny. We can play with the future. We can create wealth, poverty, heath or illness. We can create love and unity or discord and disruption. As souls in physical form, we are capable of attracting whatever we want. We have a hard time knowing what that is and even second guess ourselves when we do know what we want. We are afraid of being wrong. We are afraid to ask. We won't even vocalize our wishes sometimes because we believe they could never happen. We don't always trust ourselves.

I have since childhood, seen the future as a present. wrapped up for me to open and enjoy. My life has really been like that. I enjoy it. I, of course, have a list of manifestations that I am willing into action. Money - so much that I have plenty to share, an easement of the self criticism that hinders the manifestational abilities of my loved ones, health and a healthy appreciation of the miraculous machine that IS my body, and of course, world peace through a very specific visualization of my limitless heart energy wrapping around the planet twice, empowering each individual with the gift of self love and compassion. I dream big. I don't limit myself. How else can I propel myself to the status of benvolent ruler of the planet?

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

The Evolution of Doubt

Raising children provides a bit of an opportunity to study human nature. I have the privelidge of being a stepmother of two girls who are now in the mid teen and early adulthood stages of their lives, so I really have observed the course of self power that evolves as we grow. My small children, an observant and stubborn three year old and a dreamy, distractable six year old serve as my early childhood models. They are demanding of what they want. The ask for big and small, dream of trips to Disneyland and swimming with dolphins in Hawaii. They manifest with their words and in their art. They do not doubt in their ability to get what they want. My teenage children are at the stage of being afraid to want. They tell me, they can not have strong desires because their fear of not receiving or achieving is too great. Failure would be too painful. Fear of not getting is motivation for not asking, not wanting. The oldest, who is in college now, expressed her fears about not getting into the right college from the first semester of her freshman year in high school. Her motivation for learning was not to learn, but to earn the grade that would provide the best chance of getting into the most competitive schools. It was her belief that students who didn't achieve a 4.0 grade point average were doomed to sub-standard collegic experiences. When it came time to apply, she dared to not want any one college too much, for the fear of not getting what she wanted was greater than the hope that she would achieve her goal. She was confirmed when she auditioned for the UCLA school of theater, a very small, highly competitive program, and vocalized a passionate desire to be accepted into this program and was very disappointed when she did not get accepted. In hindsight, she is now a student at a small, highly respected liberal arts college in the pacific north west and has been very active in the theater department. I am now experiencing the same doubtful behavior emerging from my second stepdaughter. Now a highschool freshman, she is more mature and self-aware than most her age, but still limits her future with her verbal communication of doubt. I don't know exactly how she feels but what she verbalizes to me is the same fear her sister had about the grades and the colleges. She actually insisted to me that she was not a smart as I thought she was, implying very strongly that I didn't know the real her. Of course, this is all a bunch of "dark matter" which clouds the truth and weighs down the heart to the point of self doubt or even self-loathing. Being an optimist and a full believer and subscriber in the law of attraction, I prefer to see my children in the stage of believing in miracles and asking for the world. I know, from experience, that if there is something you really want, you can and will have it. You may have to take steps and never accept failure as an option, but you will have it. It may not fall into your lap, you may not know how it will come to be yours, but if you believe that it will happen, it WILL HAPPEN. I used to write notes to the universe or god and ask for very specific things. My husband started out as a journal entry with qualities listed and he showed up as a blind date. My child was a request made on a strip of paper placed in my Wish Box. She came to me as a positive pregnancy test on my thirtieth birthday. Our house, which we wanted to buy but couldn't (because the owner would not sell) came to us after a request was made to the universe, in writing, as a wish in my Wish Box. It was unforeseen circumstances that led the owner to a place where he needed to sell the house. My daughter was six weeks old when we signed the papers. Over and over I have made requests. I know that for me there are no limits to what I can have, so I am shooting BIG. I am shooting for the elimination of self doubt of all people. I am aiming for the birth of self forgiveness and compassion for ALL PEOPLE. I am envisioning the feeling for existing in a world where there are no limits to what we can achieve. NO LIMITS.

Friday, November 03, 2006

How to Make it ALL Fun!

We switched cars, my husband and I, so he could take my Toyota hybrid on a long day-trip to Monterey and I could tootle around town, doing motherly things, in his non-hybrid car. I dropped the kids off at their respective schools. I actually thought to myself, "this car is like driving a roller skate with metal wheels", as I felt every bump in the road, evry crack. Later, as I exited the freeway on my way to a meeting and I felt the tell-tale thud-thud-thud-thud, I know why the car drove like that. It pretty much WAS a roller skate with a metal wheel. I was, miraculously, never annoyed. I was happy my husband was safely driving my car and that my kids were in school so I had the time to wait for triple A. I was not annoyed, alarmed or peeved. I left my car, walked to my meeting, and when it was over, arranged to have a nice man in thick gloves change my tire. While I waited, I took some photographs, as I always carry my camera in my purse. I took this picture and some other beautiful shots of flowers, sun-dappled leaves, a statue of two doves kissing. It was an altogether lovely morning. Sure, I was'nt able to write a blog that morning, or make a belly chain, but I did receive some much needed time to just breathe, enjoy the veiw of the mountains in the morning light and just spend a few minutes with myself. I believe situations like this one happen for a reason. I think if we can look at even the seemingly tough situations as opportunity, we learn that it CAN all be fun!

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

You Can't Hate Yourself

I have been REALLY busy. Demands for my time and energy have stretched me thin. Well not actually, I am actually being stretched fat. My children have needed me, my creative urges consume any scraps of time, I am drowning in clutter in my home and still haven't recovered from a long summer of travel. I am running on fumes and still have so much on my plate that needs my attention. I realized the other night, after consuming a substantial quantity of raw cookie dough that was part of a dinner I was preparing for my daughter's first grade teacher who had just given birth to a new baby, that I was not allowed to hate myself, for A. Eating sugar, which I have been trying to give up, and B. Induldging in the forbidden substance in such a gluttonous fashion. I wanted to hate myself. I was leaning toward the old habit of self-hatred, which is a set up for more "bad" behavior. No matter how appalling the act was, the thing I could not allow myself to do was to hate myself for the weakness that defines me as human. It is really the thing that binds us. We inevitably, on a daily basis make mistakes, do things wrong, hurt people's feelings, trip up in our goals, show ourselves as vulnerable and imperfect. Not one of us is immune to the pitfalls of the human condition. Some mistakes are huge, and made very public, some are tiny and known only to us, our little secret, like the cookie dough. Having grown up with recovering alcoholics, I KNOW about making mistakes and how important it is to find compassion and forgiveness first for yourself, so you can make amends where they are required to be made. I can only imagine the effect of every earthly individual coming to terms with their imperfect nature, and offering compassion, first to themselves, then to all around them. Can you imagine the power in that ? Whatever you have done, whatever it is, I hope you will forgive yourself and let it be considered a lesson in being human. It will not be the last mistake you make, but it may be the last one of that kind. I can't say that I won't eat raw cookie dough again. I can say that I will not hate myself if I do indulge, for that would ruin the sweetness of the experience.