Friday, January 29, 2010


This week I got a couple of reminders of how you can make an impact on somebody. Childhood is a unique time of life. Little things mean a lot. I had a friend from my childhood contact me via Facebook. We were best friends in fourth grade. She lived two blocks away.  The summer when I was nine, she and her sister talked me into joining swim team with them. They taught me to swim the four strokes (butterfly, backstroke, breaststroke and freestyle) in a weekend. Until then, I had only swam dog paddle. I had been afraid of deep water. I had not been a swimmer. They taught me to swim and I swam and swam, on a swim team that summer, winning ribbons at swim meets.  I went on to be a great swimmer. As an adult, I even got certified as a scuba diver, which required me to dive to 15 feet without an air tank and rescue someone else ( who was holding their breath too) in the cold, Pacific ocean. A very big deal for someone who at age six and seven, was terrified of the deep end of the pool.

This friend and I lost touch when we were in High School. Her parents had moved to Louisiana and she resisted, stubbornly, refusing to go. My last image of her was with a cigarette and her moped, tough and refusing to do something she did not want to do. She squatted at her parents' old house as it moved through escrow. Sleeping on the beach when the house was no longer available. Her parents were important to me. Her dad was sweet, giving his daughters pretty much any thing they wanted. Her mother was strict and cold. She had a formal living room which we kids were not allowed to enter. She never let us make cookies because it would make too much of a mess. From this friend and her mom, I learned that you should make a mess when you can. Sit on the citrine colored couch, stain it even. Life is too precious to keep clean or to save. This friend's Facebook pictures reveal that she eventually moved to Louisiana.

Now, as a mother, as an adult, I know I have an impact on the kids in my life. This week during noon aide duty, I had the opportunity to soothe a kid who has a reputation for being bad. He is only a first grader but you can see that he is precariously perched on a point and could fall to either side. I got to gently clean mashed potatoes from his curly brown hair as he ranted "I hate myself...I hate this place... I want to kill myself...Everybody here is so mean...".  And then I got to look him in the eyes, tell him I cared about him, that I was his friend and that I wanted him here and that getting into a food fight with mashed potatoes is really no big deal. He let me hold his hand until we were visible to other kids. He is now  my friend and I really do care about him.

I learned all this and more from the adults in my life when I was a child.

Monday, January 25, 2010

Dancing Through Lifetimes

When I was giving birth to my first child, Kieran, my labor was relatively short and the pain remained manageable, so I didn't have a use for drugs or an epidural. When I got to the pushing phase, I had this familiar feeling, like I had experienced this very thing a hundred times before. My body knew exactly what to do, like it was an old pro at it. It was strange and soothing to feel so comfortable doing something that was entirely new to me. Or was it?  I have noticed that my daughter seemed to come out of the womb knowing how to draw, and my son picked up many skills as if he were simply remembering something that he already knew. How many musicians have begun their careers, driven to play an instrument that they feel they already know?

I am beginning to formulate some patterns here, in my own life and in observing the paths of others'. Yesterday, I went to Dance Tribe at the Gustafson Dance Center. I would describe it as a a High School Dance for mature adults who know themselves well enough to be themselves completely. The only rules are No Shoes and No Talking. The setting was a very large dance studio, with only ambient twinkling lights, scarf covered lamps and candles. The DJ played soothing, meditative music with a slow beat at first, which was great for stretching and warming up the body but then moved on to some fantastic tribal beats of African and Carribian origin. I also recognized music with a  Spanish influence and even though it may not have looked like it, I knew how to dance to all of this. I just closed my eyes, turned off my mind and all thoughts of myself and how I might be perceived and moved at the will of my body.  Shaking, waving, undulating, hopping, stretching, swinging arms, hands, legs torso, I could feel the past comfort me, like finding a memory of home that had been completely forgotten.

I realized this morning in meditation that the body remembers the past lives better than the conscious mind does. When the conscious, intentional mind gets pushed back to a place of quiet observation, the memories ingrained in the cells have a chance to emerge. We know a lot more than we think we know. It certainly explains why without logical explanation, some people don't like things worn around their neck, some people are afraid to fly and some people feel terrified of water.

I love the idea that I have had lifetimes that spanned so many cultures and that my body may still know what those lifetimes beheld. I plan on experimenting more with this form of dance as meditation. I hope you can consider giving your conscious, critical mind a little break, join me and find out what you know but didn't know you knew.

Sunday, January 24, 2010

Respect for the Weather

It doesn't rain much here. Sometimes it rains, a damp drizzle. A dew, really. This could be why we have had four major fires in the last two years.

 In the years since I have lived in Santa Barbara, I have experienced some REALLY good rains; storms that flooded streets, felled  large trees and brought hillsides, sliding across the freeway into the ocean.  Last week we had one of those big weather events. I had been looking forward to it for days. Ever since I got my dad's old iphone, I have been a fan of the Weather Channel app. I check the ten-day, the thirty six hour and the hourly forecast every day. Multiple times a day, actually. While some people are checking Facebook, I am checking the Weather Channel. This storm system  was a big one with the promise of heavy rain with thunderstorms, cold wind, hail, low snow levels, large swells, water spouts and possible tornadoes.  Being members of the irreverent club meant that Jill and I headed out for a lunchtime adventure at the Wharf on Tuesday.  She came dressed in foul weather gear. I came in a skirt and a "rain coat" I bought in 1996 on sale at Macy's and a rain hat given to me by my mother Christmas of '95.  The swells were high, bringing the ocean surface to within feet on the Wharf. Jill walked out to the edge for a better view. We had shrimp tacos at the Crab House at the end of the Wharf, warming our hands around cups of green tea.  Afterward, we drove down Cabrillo Blvd. to see the boats that had washed up on shore. The tide at East Beach was all the way to the parking lot. We both took our naps under the cover of pitter-pattering rain on our respective rooftops. There could be almost nothing more delicious.

I heard from My Mom, a reliable source of news, that there was a "tornado" like event that brought down several trees that crushed several cars on Haley Street. There was a woman trapped in one car with a seven-week old baby. We hoped she was able to breastfeed- I can't imagine being trapped with a crying newborn in a crushed car in the rain with post-partum hormones.   Jill reported that something like a dozen boats washed up on the beach and one sunk right off shore. These were boats moored outside of the harbor, where the rent is a lot less expensive.  I haven't heard about any mudslides from the recent fires, in fact, I think I can actually SEE the grass growing on the mountains. They are getting greener by the day.

 My kids and I were a teensy bit sad to see the rain retreat on Friday. The forecast calls for 70% chance of rain on Monday and Tuesday, so we are feeling a bit better. crazy, I know. But too much sun isn't good for anyone.

Thursday, January 21, 2010

Forty or Forty Thousand

Jill celebrated forty this month- in a way I am proud to have been a part of. It was a weekend event, laden with our kind of fun. Getups, nature, cupcakes, candles, sacred spaces, history and magic. We are spiritual, in our quests and in our nature. Our methods have no rules though. I get the feeling that this is one of our "Soul Purposes".  I like to look at rules on things and question them. I like to glance into the dark to find the light in it. I,- actually-, we like to be irreverent out of reverence, because taking things too seriously just isn't the way of love. Love, the higher vibration love, the kind that goes way beyond the body and the physical, has no rules that can't be toyed with. And so, Jill and I were blessed enough to pay homage to the thousands year old petroglyphs carved by shamen of long ago with our giggles and silliness. We made our singing bowls vibrate together until we thought the aliens would land. We giggled in the dark blanket of night and mimicked the hooting owls from the the comfort of a heated yurt. We (I) breathed in the purest moments of complete joy in reverence to all the sacredness of this particular experience. Without perfection, with complete respect of our disrespect for certain rules. In fun and in Love, for the greatest good.

Tuesday, January 19, 2010


I have a long blog to write, perhaps a book according to Jill, on silliness and all that is sacred. We just came off a White Lotus High. We giggled all the way through the sacred stone circle, the Kieva- (Jill thinks it's Keva I think it's Kiva), the singing bowls, the yurts, the stones, sacred circle of women in meditation, water, fire and blessed sage-filled air. We giggled our way through all of it.

 The thing is, I can see us a thousand or so years ago, as old men in meditation robes, giggling. I suspect that giggling is the secret part of praying, meditation, healing and life. Nothing is so sacred that it should be free from the joyous celebration of laughter. The giggling and irreverence in your reverence is the secret- the black is white, pain is joy secret that we need to share with you. Laugh. Find a friend to giggle with and do it. Everywhere. It is probably the most powerful prayer that there is.

Saturday, January 09, 2010


Based on the sole comment I received from my last post I have a few thoughts. If your goals in life include being thinner and or richer than you are, might I suggest imagining yourself as these things and acting as if they already are. If you need help visualizing this, there are many simple techniques available today with the use of digital cameras and computers. Even a good old fashioned picture, a pair of scissors and a copy machine would do the trick. Just take a picture of yourself, crop, elongate, re-touch, or cut it to look like the "new improved you". Paste it on a piece of card stock and add accessories to imply wealth. A Lambourghini, expensive shoes, a large dwelling or two, yaht, pictures of currency, a Van Gogh or Picasso, wrinkled, worn-out looking passport, Louis Vitton luggage, and what have you. Just imagine what your day to day would be after the "miracle" and live there. Maybe you are just on vacation and you have gained a few pounds eating local foods. On vacation, you like an authentic experiences and have been staying in a less than regal dwelling, with cheap furnishings. Your worn out old car is just a rental, borrowed for the duration of your visit. Make the best of it, have fun, you're on vacation. Part of your vacation is to do local work. Tell yourself, " Isn't it fun to experience life from this angle? "  Meditate on how your skinny body and large bank account will change the way you see the world and the way you see yourself in it.  Ask your guides for help. If after all this, you still find yourself in debt and overweight, you might consider the idea that your soul has the opportunity for more profound growth in this state.

 To answer your question as to whether a penny is a hologram for a million dollars, yes. It is for certain. It's all there. you can bank on it. Yep.

Friday, January 08, 2010


I can't remember exactly when I started meditating each day. I guess it was such an enjoyable experience that it became a ritual, a habit, part of my method of starting the day, like my cup of weak coffee with milk. I like to get up before the sun. The black, star-speckled sky feels like a blanket of comfort to me. The darkness helps me to let go of my surroundings and dwelve inward.

My meditations aren't formal. I sit on the couch with my feet on the ground (sitting cross-legged hurts my hips and I find pain to be a distraction during meditation). I prop pillows behind my back so that my head and spine are in alignment. I cover my lap with a blanket. Most mornings, one of my three cats jumps on my lap to join me. I begin by aligning myself, focusing on the Earth below, the sky above, the left, right, front, back, inside and outside of my body. I do this three times. I then ground myself, following with my mind the path of my energetic grounding cord all the way to the center of the Earth. I show my appreciation for the Earth. Then I imagine myself in a pillar of light that originates from the heart of the Universe, traveling all the way down to me, through my crown, encompassing my whole body, then into the Earth. Yummmm. I can almost always feel the buzz of that energy coming trough me. It is delicious!

 What happens next varies from day to day. I'll tell you, part of the goal of meditation is just to quiet the mind. Silence is a magnet for chatter and tons of ridiculous stuff fills my head, like snippets of Christmas carols, TV show story lines, all kinds of meaningless static. I have learned one technique to clear the static, it's really powerful. I tune in to the sound of my soul. Ask yourself what this is for you. Mine is very distinctive and so far, it has always been the same. That usually works to focus my mind.
I frequently invite my spirit guides, my guardian angels, any enlightened nature spirits to join me in my meditation. I ask for a clear connection to their guidance for the day and to be true to my soul's work.  I also focus on my appreciation and love for my physical body during meditation. This is something we, in our society don't seem to really grasp very well. Our bodies are simply biodegradable vehicles that are on loan for our soul's journey through this lifetime. They are vessels for the soul, not the soul itself. They are  borrowed for our use and trusting us for care and keeping. It seems rather backward that we should be so abusive to our bodies, both in thought and in action when their sole purpose is to allow us a physical experience here on Earth.

In meditation I go through my body, part by part, organ by organ and give my full appreciation to it, to every cell, even every atom that contains my soul. I actually feel the attention in my body. If you do nothing more than this, focus a deep appreciation and love for your body, then your meditation will be very useful. Let us get some perspective. The big picture reveals that there is a lot more out there of importance than the materialistic focus we encounter from our mass media.  

I just finished reading a book called THE LIVING UNIVERSE. It was an amazing book. I recommend it for everyone who wishes to engage in the shifting consciousness. One of the most interesting aspects of this book involves holographic theory and the time-space continuum. In a hologram, every part of the picture contains the whole. Just like in our bodies and in every living thing on earth. Every cell with a nucleus contains the genetic blueprint for the entire organism. Interesting, huh!? So, one theory suggested in this book, The Living Universe, is that you are a part of the universe. You are an integral part. You matter to the heath and well being of the cosmos. The universe is you. Funny, that is the idea behind the film I conceptualized and started filming two years ago entitled, YOU. It is meant to symbolize "U" meaning Universe.  You are the Universe. The Universe is You. Coincidence?

If you would like more on meditation and tips for meditative focus, feel free to comment.