Thursday, November 26, 2009

Storms Reveal Treasure

It has been a profound year of transformation. I would be lying if I didn't acknowledge the major shit that went down in my world during the last twelve months.  First of all, I have to say that I am a happy person. I wake up happy almost every day. I am in a good mood most of the time. I am kind to people as a rule. I rarely get really mad. I resist(ed) the storm, under the illusion that happy people don't go to that dark and unpredictable place where things get messed up and potentially destroyed. Happy people aren't unhappy. Happy people are constant, like the desert sun. Right÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷?
Just thinking about writing all of this stuff down overwhelms me, so I will try and condense it all into a few cliche infused metaphoric sentences.  Tom, my beloved husband and I had been married without really knowing each other for over ten years. Both rather passive, we each lacked the skills for complete communication. It was our daughter, Cadence who saved us from our business relationship marriage.  It was June and she and I had been in a state of miscommunication for years. The last straw brought her to pack her bags and leave forever, but I begged her to stay. I begged with all my heart that I would do anything to get her to stay and I meant it. This brought us to Adela, the psychic therapist, who asked me the question, "WHY have you settled for this? why????" The question took me and eventually, us deep into the scary, stormy place where I had dared not venture, because happy people aren't dissatisfied with their lives. Happy people don't get angry with their situations. Happy people who are sunny all the time turn into dried up shrivelled old prunes with nothing to give anymore and that was where i was headed.

A dozen or so twice weekly sessions with Adela, both alone and with Tom and even once with Cadence, took me to my deepest darkest places of dissatisfaction, pain, grief, tornado sobs, hurricane force breathing, tsunami pain of loss, flooded avalanches of old emotions that got washed away completely.

Adela told us that we had to go away together. I could feel that neither of us really wanted to, until that day I found some peculiar things on the computer which led Tom and I to our new place of adoration for each other. Like me, Tom had always felt that he had to be "perfect", that he could not be stormy or flawed or wrong. I inadvertently uncovered a flaw of his. He trusted me enough to be honest about it and I fell in love with the man with the flaws. Perfect is fiction. He was becoming as dessicated as I was in his constant state of happy.  I couldn't believe the transformation that occurred with us. I fell so deeply in love with him, his energy, his essence and I could absolutely feel the same adoration and respect mirrored back to me.  A miracle. Storm Saves Desert from Destined Death Due to Draught.

In conclusion, here are a few pictures from our outrageously romantic and fun weekend away in New Orleans. My husband adores me and I couldn't love him more. Oh, and as it turns out, we have a of of fun together, even without the kids. Lucky Us!!

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