Thursday, January 31, 2008

Fat is Phat

I've got news girls. The new vibration is a calorie burner. All you smart girls with foresight are going fare well. Those extra pounds are money in the bank, your secret cash cache. Youuuu (I'm looking at you with a sly, half raised eyebrow, pointing my finger at your shy, pretending-like-you-didn't-know-it smile). Hey, stringbean, heads up! Better start eating, because the day is coming that you won't be able to keep the flesh on your bones except to eat ALL DAY. You may even have to travel to Italy to eat, just to keep up with the rest of us. So, I am happy to report that fat is good. Stop loathing those rolls. Stop berating your size and where you have to buy your kaftan. You had the forsight, the instinct to listen to your guides that told you while you were sleeping, while you were centered, that there is a reason for this body size, just like all things that "happen" to you. There is a reason, and it's good. I, personally, am hungry all the time. I can't keep the hunger at bay. I was smart. So smart, because I beefed up with fifty extra pounds for this transition, and I don't know if that was enough. I am going to have to choose some calorie rich foods if I'm going to get anything done during my day.

So, in summary, fat is important. Fat is good. There will be NO MORE negative feelings about the fat. That goes for you too Oprah. Stop struggling and know that you are ready. There will come a day in the very near future when you and your hip bones will meet again and, when you get there, the spare tire will be waaaayyyyyy back down the road, never to be heard from again, even if you go chasing it, which, I might remind you, burns calories.

1 comment:

jill said...