The Real Story

I suited up, pulled on my ugs, put a harmonica on my shoulder, hoisted the log onto the car, strapped it on. I drove 40 mph to Hendrys, lugged the redwood off the car into the parking lot, fished out the paddle, and unzipped the bag. I tried to pull the 11 foot beast out while wearing my gorilla suit, it wasn't budging, people were beginning to stare. A man came over to help be. He held the board while I tugged on the sheath, he told me to put it over "there" out of the street while I put the bag and uggs away, locked the car and tucked the key into my bikini top. He said, "first time out? Where'd you get your board?"  "I don't know", I replied. "I got it from some guy named Matt, from a little warehouse downtown." "Santa Barbara Paddle Sports? Channel Surf?" he inquired. "No, just from some guy I know of through friends." "Why'd you choose this beach for your first time out?" He stated, sounding slightly concerned. " I like this beach" I said. "It was a random choice" (and close enough to home that I didn't have to risk the freeway).  "well, there's a little south swell out there", he said. "You might have trouble getting in and out."  I glanced at the water from the lot. The waves looked absolutely tiny. "No problem!" I said, confidently. I have kayaked in and out of waves before. "Well, good luck!", he said as he walked on to his car. I picked up my board, my paddle and started walking down to the sand.

 As I got closer to the water, I started to figure where I would enter. I went straight in, up to my knees. The waves were pretty big and coming in long sets. I could see that the swells went out pretty far, not just at the break line, as usual. I may be able to get out there, but could I get back in? I walked a little further on down the beach, looking for a smoother entry point. My hand and wrist were beginning to ache from carrying such an enormous log. I decided to put the board down and get friendly with the water. I dove in screamed from the pain of the chilly water, played a bit of harmonica music to call in the friendly dolphins, then got out. Of course, by then it was "smooth".

 My sister Stacy, her husband, Tony, niece Meredith and nephew Morgan had showed up by then to witness my emersion. Stacy tried to talk me in. "GO! Just go now!" she coaxed. In I went, the waves came back. Out I came. In yet again. I put the board in the water, held it long enough to entertain visions of a very rough re-entry, all by myself later. My arm was shaking and I thought I might not be able to hoist this monolith up on to my car after a session in these waves. I also thought to myself, if I go out there and have a really bad time, I might not get over it right away. So, I told the fam, "this is enough. I put the board on my car, got it down to the beach, it touched the water, now I'm going to put it back on my car and drive home (and lift some weights to get my hand and arm strength up). So, there it is. I suffered some mild paralysis in my right hand and arm upon returning home. This entire report was typed with the fingers of only my left hand. Hey, I came home with a saturated wetsuit and a sandy board. Nobody has to know the real story.

I Want A Magical Life

I keep saying it. I want a magical life. It is really sinking in these days that to get a magical life, you have to do the thinks that make you feel the magic.  Over Christmas week, I shopped in my closet. I wore gowns and dresses every day. I wore legwarmers and my new biblically-inspired serape. I cleaned my garage in my cute CAbi trousers and pretty top. I created very special candles, melding and forging them during the Winter Solstice, Full Moon and Lunar eclipse days. I went out searching for fossils and sea life on those days, adoring the magical surprises the beach held. Today is New Year's day. I celebrated by watching the sunrise, participating in a global meditation and swimming in the ocean with Jill. It's gonna be an amazing year. I can feel it!

Life Gets Funnier

Last week was our 12th wedding anniversary. Anyone who has been married this long with children knows what an accomplishment this is. Especially for me, since this is how long I have been a step mother. I have been feeling sorely disconnected from my spouse for some time, as he isn't much of an expresser of emotion. I feel like I am constantly doing my "WOW" dance around him (you know the one- where you show all your superhuman capabilities, day after day after day, hoping for your spouse your gush with love for you)  but sadly finding that his blackberry gets way more attention than I do. So, in this lull of passion in my marriage, I have concluded that I LOVE my family so much that no matter what, I will stick it out. My mom says in response to this epiphany, "you should get bangs. It will save your marriage".  So I make an appointment and get my hair cut. I also come out into the living room on the morning of our anniversary, wearing my wedding gown.

I say, hey, if you can't wear your wedding gown on your anniversary, then when can you wear it?

The dress won't zip past my waist. It seems my bust and ribcage have increased in size since my wedding day. Could it be that my heart has grown two sizes larger?  Tom asks, "did the dress shrink?", no, I'm pretty sure it was those kids, all four of them, that helped my heart grow.

I pretty up my new hair and go back to the wedding attire to collect the veil. Hey, if you can't wear the dress, you can always wear the veil on your anniversary.

Then, I ask Tom if he will be seen with me wearing my veil all day. He says "sure".

The little kids are in a Christmas play, The Best Christmas Pageant Ever, playing Saturday and Sunday, 2PM and 7PM at the Santa Barbara Community Church next weekend, December 18 and 19. Aidan has his first speaking role. I have been setting him up for one of his lines by playing the character, Mrs. McCarthy. Out of the blue, Thursday morning, the director e-mails me saying that the actress playing Mrs. McCarthy had to drop out due to a family emergency and would I like to read for the role. I am not kidding. ME. I haven't officially acted since High school, although, I did work in pharmaceutical sales for nine years, which requires a bit of acting ability. I read for the part, and found out late last night that he wants me to take it. I am nervous about memorizing cues and lines, so I decided to write them all on my arm in sharpie.

I figure, I'm an adult now. I can manage myself however I want. So, if you would like to experience a bit of my funny life, come see my adult stage debut. I might just wear my veil.

Message From The Yeti

I joined my daughter and her fellow fifth graders at the Catalina Island Marine Institute last month. I learned a lot of things, some of which I already knew. I learned that in a full wetsuit with hood and booties, I resemble a blue yeti. I learned that it takes 200 years for a plastic water bottle to biodegrade when exposed to sunlight.  They should print that on the packaging.  A Ziploc baggie, takes half as long. I have waged a war on plastic this year. I hate it. It is a sign of our genius and our demise.  I have been getting all sorts of clues lately that we, as humans, are faced with the challenge of harnessing our own intelligence. We are too smart for our own good. Until we learn to tone it down a bit, behaving more like animals, we are doomed. DOOMED (to live in and amongst an ocean of saran wrap, Ziplocs, packaging and stupidity).

When I was in Panama last month, as we swam in the warm waters with the whales, we encountered some alarming patches of ocean that were laden with bits and pieces of trash, mostly plastic. The funny thing was, when I swept up a bunch of pieces, I noticed that on every available surface, barnacles had made the floating plastic their home.  I think that is where the ironic part of the story is. The animals on the planet will cope, adapt and evolve. It is us who will be saddened and disgusted by the state of our surroundings. We will not want to swim in the filthy water, the insult of someone else's carelessness. We will not want to live like humans, too smart and too dumb at the same time. 

The yeti says, be more connected to the earth and the nature kingdom today. Abandon your foolish human ways. Think "what comes from the Earth goes back to the Earth" and try to live closely to that idea. We are smart enough to evolve on our own. We do not need a disaster to force our change. We don't even need threats and doom to force us with fear. We just need to use our wit but remain part of nature, as the childlike part of us knows how to do. Yeti sez: go play in water, or soil, or play in both - make mud.

Live Like This

My birthday led me to Panama, via Huston International Airport, where I had 16 minutes to run from my LA arrival gate to to my Panama departure gate, which was in another terminal. Glowing with sweat, I breathed a sigh and thanked my body for being strong enough to do this kind of thing when I asked it to.

Before I knew it, I was united in Panama with a "family" I had yet to meet. There were twelve of us. We were all drawn to the promise of whales and dolphins.

It was a bit surreal, having said yes to this adventure, then knowing that what I needed most was just to float, literally and figuratively. I just went with the flow, no matter what the situation.  I didn't speak a lot, spending more time just feeling and being. This is definitely the way I want to live, saying YES to adventures that speak to my soul the way this one did. It was everything I hoped it would be.

Bigger Than Me

Today is my 42nd birthday. I am up early to head off to a spiritual adventure in Panama. I got a little panicked last week looking at pics of breeching humpbacks in some dark blue water. I remembered I get seasick and vomit when I ride on boats. Then it came to me, this is bigger than me. This trip was an ache that came to me as another whale dream the night before the trip e-mail ever showed up. It became a symbol of the life I want to live, in a state of loving service, heavily seasoned with artistic expression and adventure.

I even got a confirmation sighting.
That's a humpback feeding off Hendry's beach. It looked like a giant cucumber, just sitting there in the water.

I'll let you know what comes up. I am hoping to get some clarity about my life so far and where I'll be headed in the future.

Thanks for reading!

I never spoke of Rome

If I had to sum up Rome in August 2010, it would be "beautiful, clean, clear, icy cold fountains, art, ancient architecture, spaghetti alla carbonara, walking, gelato and Marcel, the puppeteer". The apartment Tom rented for our stay was a PALACE. It was ON Piazza Navona and was bigger than our house. We had an official tour of the Colloseum, the Forum and an unofficial, self-guided tour of the Vatican and Sistine Chapel. We ate the BEST gelato in Rome. The girls went to a bar together and legally drank shots of aqua vita or some awful liquor (which couldn't happen here for two and a half more years). All in all, HEAVEN.