Mom's Neck Movie

My Mom is allowing me to chronicle her surgical improvements. How could I refuse? I love telling a story through film. I have started with a few stills and short clips from a beautiful hike we took this morning. It was absolutely stunning out there. Last year, during the first week in May, the very trail we were on burned in the huge flames of the Jesusita fire. The fire took out all the brush that had been holding the soil in place. This year's rain had brought much rubble and rock down the creek ravines and allowed me access to fossils that are 60 million years old. Heaven! Hiking is like a shopping trip to Tiffany, without the blue box!

My Boy

 

Aidan turned seven on Monday. He was my angel friend when I was pregnant. I dreamed of a boy with brown eyes and blonde hair (written in my pregnancy journal- just to prove it). Without ultrasound or amniocentesis proof, I was sure he was a boy.  I was sure of his sweetness. I was sure of his calm wisdom. What I was not sure of, and have seen time and time again over the last seven years is his stubborn, willful, unwavering capacity to stand firm in a decision to NOT do something. Like a big horse, thirsty as ever, led to a crystal clear brook but refusing to drink the life-giving water. For example, yesterday, our sweet son was scheduled to have his second one on one karate lesson, the first of which he loved, practicing all week his blocks and horse stance beautifully. He had talked about it, the time and date of his lessons. An hour before lesson time he was asleep on the couch presumably in a post cake-snack coma exacerbated by the fact that he had broken his brand new N scale model locomotive (not mortally, though- just a flesh wound).  We woke him up and he insisted that he did not want to go. When asked why, his reply; "I don't really know". I asked Tom to do his Dad thing, somehow getting Aidan to do the thing we wanted him to do without his consent. I have had many a moment of pleading bribery, threats, hissing, screaming, and crying that got us nowhere. Maybe Tom would do better.

The outcome?   Bribery with a cookie, a visit next weekend to the B-17 Bomber coming to town, threats, hissing, crying and guess what.. NO KARATE LESSON. He refused.  That's my boy. My sweet sweet stubborn seven year old boy.

What's My Deal?

My mom is scheduled to have a neck lift, eyelid lift and under eye fat removal on Monday. I am, and always have been, vehemently against this kind of elective surgery. Now, understand that I am a beautiful woman. I am not being vain, I was born with full lips, a symmetrical face, really nice teeth (from braces and diligent upkeep), a tall, strong curvy figure and an ass the size of a pick up truck. My sisters are beautiful, my children are beautiful, my nieces and nephews, brothers in law, husband and step dad and friends are beautiful. My mother is a striking, radiant beauty and always has been. So here I am surrounded by beauty, why am I so against the amplification of it?  Here is my theory.

Since I was seven, the age of soul recognition, I have felt a certain conviction about kindness, love, beauty, treatment of others, and what was right. I knew/know that the body is a vessel, a vehicle to experience the lifetime we are presently in. It is not the end-all be-all. The body is not the IT. It is more the HOW. So the body can flex and shrink, move or be still, it can be flawed  or "perfect" but it isn't the soul. It is the house, apartment really, for the soul to exist, feel and learn, interacting and experiencing as much as it can in the time allotted.

How many children have to be born with cleft lips or flippers for hands and how many times do The Elephant Man, Mask, and The Hunchback of Notre Dame need to be made and re-made before we remember the lesson of where true beauty resides?  Just because we live in a culture where physical beauty is valued as much as it is doesn't mean we are evolving in a direction that moves us forward in our soul lessons. Are you happy with the state of focus that the media places our society in?  In my opinion, we as a society and culture have it all back asswards.

Trusted friends, beloved sisters, nieces, nephews, brothers and sisters in law, children, husband and parents, if ever I become deformed, obese, hideously ugly, smelly, broken, saggy, wrinkled, blotchy, bald, hairy, wear a diaper, or encounter any other physical situation that leaves my body less than desirable to look at, please close your eyes, plug your nose and feel my radiant soul energy wash over your being like a wave of golden loving light, because that is where my true beauty resides.

No matter what you do to yourself Mom, I will always look at you as the golden violet orb of shimmering light that you are, with the really tight neck and alert eyes.

Physical Energy

The physical follows the energetic. Your thoughts become your reality. What you focus on, you create. Your fears become your experience. You dream your future. Manifest with intention. Meditation teaches you how to visualize physical health and connect to energetic support in the form of spirit guides, guardian angels and your own higher self. Your chakra system needs your attention, quiet yourself and visualize the rainbow starting from your red root, orange sacral, yellow solar plexus, green heart, blue throat, indigo third eye and violet crown. Feel the energy flowing and surround yourself in golden, healing light. Create the energy to shift the physical.

Collaboration

This is a collaboration between Kieran and myself to honor the bright and helpful kids at Hope School. Kieran draws on the wood pieces and I paint them in. I glue the pin backs on to the little pieces of wood. The kids themselves requested things like a skateboarding elephant, a Domo in a sombrero with maracas, a pug, a dolphin and a pony together, a penguin on an iceberg holing a flag with my name on it, a purple dog kicking a pink soccer ball and much much more. The only shortage we have is time. Lots of love all the way around.

Candle Evolution

I started with beading. Learning the basics from my sisters. I moved into beading jewelry with gemstones. I found that I preferred working with natural earthly substances. My jewelry became more about the stones and their therapeutic properties than about the jewelry itself. After falling in love with Aveda body oils and generating an expensive habit, I decided to blend my own and infuse the oils with gemstones. My first blend was simple. I called it "Aura Oil" and it had lavender and Tibetian crystal quartz. I loved the energetic component and my skin has never felt softer. I also enjoy creating beautiful labels for the oils.

 The next progression was therapeutic candles, made with essential oils and gemstones, just like my body oils.  I made them with soy wax which is cleaner and longer burning than paraffin and has a delightfully creamy texture. I use simple mason jars and have included a special box of matches with every candle. The match boxes and mason jar lids have been my canvases for creative expression. I paint them and include a picture and inspiring words.  My friend Jill has allowed me to use her original paintings as graphics for my labels. It makes for a beautiful finished candle.

I will be adding these to my website, www.shelleysbellys.com very soon. They will be $24.

The second picture shows a grouping of stones that went into a very special candle. From top going clockwise, carved carnelian elephant, crystal quartz, black tourmaline, kyanite, ruby,
aquamarine and apatite. Yum!

What is a Crush Anyway?

It happens to me a lot. I see the spark in someone. It could only be for a moment, even in passing, some sort of recognition. I have learned how to enjoy it without it becoming a problematic issue. It's like seeing someone's true self, unveiled, quickly, just a peek, and if you are paying attention, you might witness something amazing. It happens a lot. I see a lot of these sparks of truth. I see through all sorts of layers. I see it in all realms of age and gender, although the "crush" feeling only hits me with a certain type of person. I know how to maintain a safe distance, to reel in my own true self, my own sparkle, when I know that I have been witnessed too. It's so fun!

Green Week

It was a green week. I had a cold, staying home with two kids Monday, and one kid Tuesday and Wednesday. I made pins for St. Patrick's day for the kids at school who weren't wearing green. Mercy pins to keep them from being pinched. I made way too much shepard's pie. Practiced being OK with just being.

Kieran's Painting

Kieran is funny. Kieran is a natural. Kieran has gifts. Kieran is insecure when I compliment Aidan on anything. Lucky for me, I have dealt with the likes of Kieran before, in her older sister, Cadence. I thought it was because I was her stepmom. I thought the divorce did it to her, her ego and insecurity all rolled into one. Now I see, in Kieran, another fiery talent, that it is the dragon in both of them. Kieran has lead a charmed life, with loving attentive parents who feed her creativity and expose her to the world, culture, art and music. She displays so many of the same character traits that her sister has, I see now that I have been "warmed up" here for Kieran.

Here are some Kieran pics, if you don't peruse her blog regularly.

Mrs. Meaney's Beauty Tip

"Mrs. Meaney, will you make me a pin with my name on it?"

"If you pick up that trash, yes."

"Mrs. Meaney, will you make me a pin that says save the wave?"

"Go sort compostables, recycleables, trash and liquids and it's a yes."





Mrs. Meaney, if I help today, will you make me a pin with Darth Maul and my name on it?"

"Yes Tyler, I will."











Here's a beauty tip I discovered yesterday.
If you have a Mac, go on to photo booth and choose effects. Select "mirror image" and align your face perfectly. Look how perfectly perfect I look! No asymmetry. No crooked smile. Now weird squinty eye.

This is the real me. Not bad.

Or you can do this:

Why Say Yes

I love to say yes. I know this about myself. I love to have adventures, I love to make things for people, I love to give it away, I love the risk and daring promise of the "yes". I wish I could say yes more. I was invited by one of my friends to accompany her on a bonzai trip to Australia. She invited me on Friday for a trip that commenced Sunday night at ten. Now, if I didn't have kids, a husband, commitments, and had made a promise to conserve our finances, I would have jumped on that plane so fast, I wouldn't have even blinked. Yes!

It got me thinking about the fun I have been able to experience. Since I have been married and had kids, I have traveled with girlfriends to Portland, the Sierras and Alaska. I have gone to NYC with my mom and sisters twice. I have had many an evening of sweat-lodge or full moon magic.

 I said yes to my first trip abroad when I was sixteen, not knowing how I would ever finance it but determined, I found a way. At eighteen, I traveled spontaneously to Sweden for a summer based a request made via long distance phone call. After college, I went to Ecuador for two months in a blissful state of misery because a professor whom I admired suggested that I go. I love to say yes!

Here is my list of things I want badly to say yes to. The yesses are very much about me as an individual. These are not familial yesses. Those are a given. Where my family goes, I go. My personal yes list is as follows:

A spiritual walking journey through the powerful grid lines of Spain (The Camino de Whatever- I don't know the name, only that I want to go) with my coven of whales, Jill and Krista. We have planned for this to happen in ten years. Lucky for us, I am patient.

A trip to India or Bhutan and Thailand with a friend who can show me the real way.

South America, to Incan ruins, Central America to Mayan sites of power, to experience the full energetic marvels that await me there.

What ever comes up that excites and intrigues me. I love the adventure of being surprised!

I also love to say yes to the kids at school who ask me to make them things. There is so much power in the "yes" response. I really love it.

So my friend went to Australia on a huge adventure. I am so proud of her for saying yes. It is a secret that people are beginning to discover that yes is a hell of a lot more fun than no.

My Friend

I have a friend, David, whom I've never actually met. My sister, Stephanie met him in an airport gift shop. He was one of "those people" whom you just know, even though you don't know. I knew, the first time I read a chapter of the book he was presenting to a publisher in Santa Barbara that he was someone important to me. I knew he was exceptional and I was in a position to be friend to an angel incarnate. No pressure, David, angels in human bodies are supposed to fuck up and be real. I e-mailed him as "Stephanie's sister" and we have become friends, talking now and again, e-mailing and texting. David has been sending me chapters of his book, for me to read and feel, while he is editing. Each chapter he has sent has lead me to a different emotion, a different experience and a different theme to ponder. I am reading one of the most important books of my life and it hasn't even been published yet. I can't believe how lucky I am to have this new/old friend who trusts me enough to share this precious work. It is beautiful, thought provoking, eloquently written and timely. My friend's book is called Traveling at the Speed of Life. You are going to want to read it too. It is that good.

www.Contibute2.org is David's official site if you would like to check it out.

Lost It On The Playground

I guess I'm working too hard at too many things. Right now, I am putting together a web site to accept donations for my kids' school. The PTA has to fund the arts (Art, Music, Computer Lab and P.E.) because the state budget doesn't pay for these things any more. Our PTA fundraises for about $100,000 each year. It's like squeezing blood from turnips to get all the families to just contribute a lump sum for each kid, so we are left to fundraise in ways such as the upcoming "Walk and Roll-a-Thon", where kids get pledges to run.

I keep telling the PTA we have to use the internet to fundraise but nobody will take on the job. Wimps. After three years of talking about it, I just up and did it myself. It was so easy. You should try it. One problem is that I really needed some pictures to put on the site to make it more compelling. Kind of like yelling, "hey, it's me, your friend/family member! I need your ten dollars to get to do the stuff I really enjoy!"  So, today, as I was serving as noon aide during the upper grader's lunch, I snapped a few pictures. The kids were so cute, they all wanted me to photograph their feet. I took advantage of a primo photo-op when the band came out of lunchtime practice to take their yearbook photos. I ran right up the little grass hill, about 20 feet from the lunch tables, to snap some shots.  It was a sweet moment. Kieran looked (and sounded) so COOL with her beautiful sax. My baby, the band geek. I was in heaven.

I returned to the lunch tables and was asked by the nearest group of kids if they could please be excused. Their table was tidy, the compost sorting line was short, so I let them go. Then, one of the other lunch ladies yelled at me "SHELLEY! What are you doing! I thought we had a system and you just disappeared!" Uggggghhhh. So I went back to the group of boys I had excused and told them to sit back down because Mrs. ____ was excusing. Then as each table asked to be excused I told them the same thing, "sorry, Mrs. ____ is excusing". So stupid.

Up I went to the playground to do yard duty when Mrs. ____ approached me.  I got pissed off and LOST IT on the playground, in front of all the kids.

I felt the need to defend my ways, which are kind of fly by the seat of your pants style. This other woman is a scientist and obviously prefers order and discipline to my free and easy way of doing things. We got into a heated discussion in front of the handball court about her need to yell at me and my need to multitask. I was still within visual and auditory range when I stepped away to photograph the band, and the kids at lunch were fourth, fifth and sixth graders, who are pretty darned easy to wrangle (for me).

I got all teary eyed in my heated debate when I exclaimed that I care about all the kids and that I am trying to do this other thing (the web site) to help them all out. Geees.

So what's the learning experience here? The kids at school got to see a lunch lady "fight" which could be pretty cool if you like that sort of thing. It didn't come to blows but I may have secretly flicked a spoon full of peas and corn if I knew I could have gotten away with it. Hey, I'm the first to admit that I'm not perfect. I have flaws, I make mistakes, I do my best and sometimes I make up my own rules. No wonder the kids like me better.

Mundane Magic

Yesterday I took the kids to the beach for a morning walk. Aidan had a huge tantrum. He frequently has huge tantrums when we are at beaches, or pools. Before even hitting the sand, he was crying, "I want to go home".  Not atypical.

He started having crying fits around water when he was about three months old. Bathing him, on my lap, as I always had, he began to protest with what appeared to be a mortal fear. Like being hit on the head with a rock, I have seen this pattern emerge over his almost seven years of life and it finally became clear to me; something bad happened to Aidan when he was not Aidan that involved a large body of water and probably death.

The magic is that I am not denying that this is a probable rather than possible reality for him and I'm willing to discuss it with him openly now. When we got into the car I said, "Aidan, I have noticed that you are very distressed and fearful around the ocean. Did something bad happen to you in a past life? Did you drown? " He replies, "yeah." "I think so."

It lead to a car-wide discussion about past lives. Kieran said she didn't remember any of hers. I said,  "I don't think you are supposed to" I followed with..."but sometimes kids come in almost knowing how to do certain things like read and draw." To which, Kieran agreed. She seems to have known how to do these things from birth. "Sometimes we retain fears that don't make sense to us in this life but maybe come from what has happened to us in the past."

Just going to that unknown place openly, will open all kinds of magic up for us.

Later that same day, the kids played Chumash Indians in the back yard. We went to the Natural History Museum and explored crystals, space, mammals, and birds. We listed all the native animals we had seen in our back yard. The list was impressive.

Today, I made a necklace for Morgan of black tourmaline, ruby, spectrolite, riverstone and turquoise to help him protect his personal energy. I made three very powerful candles for Stacy, infused with black tourmaline, patchouli and valor oil with some reiki matches to help her clear the energy in her home. I did this while simultaneously baking chocolate chip cookies for the kids who were playing Chumash again today, blowing their flute, collecting their herbs, doing their rain dance in the back yard.  Mundane Magic.

Valentines

Dearest Loves of my life,

You are my suns, my galaxies, you are my Star Wars and my favorite songs.
You are my ethnic foods, my coffee with milk, you are my funny movie, my creative drive,
 my hike in the mountains my low tide.
 You are the most fun I can have on any given day, you are my adventure, my comfort and my play.
 I love you, I cherish you, the time we spend, the way you smell, your hands in mine, your lips, your cheeks, your wiggly tooth, the sound your saxaphone makes.  I love your drawings, your wit, the way you read out loud, The dinners you bring home almost every night, the way you hold me at the end of the day.
You are my best memories, all happening now, my full moon, my vacations, my playground. I love you, all of you, you know who you are. If you can't feel my love then I need to work harder.


LOVE, Shelley

Perspective

While everything is going on around us, all the mundane, the tragic, the upsetting, the hopeful, the challenging , the new... stars are being formed. Galaxies are colliding. Cosmic dust is coalescing or expanding, heating in a dance of friction and fusion or cooling and dissipating into the blackness of space. It's all happening and it is beautiful. It is orderly and and chaotic at the same time. It is a metaphor for our lives here. All is born, all lives, all dies, only to be reborn again. All is beautiful. 

I have found comfort in this phenomenon since I was old enough to look up and grasp what I was seeing. I always felt like I was looking at "home" and I was. We are small and huge at the same time. We are individuals and part of systems, like stars in a galaxy. We are also galaxies in a universe. 

Look closely at the last picture, borrowed from one of my favorite websites, NASA.com. The little spirals and lines are not stars, they are galaxies. Each galaxy has billions of stars, there are billions of galaxies in the universe, and now scientists are beginning to accept that there may be more than just one universe. There may actually be a mother universe that holds many many universes.

Perspective gives you the power to know more than just what is in the scope of your headlights. Perspective may stretch and span beyond time and space. You may begin to feel like you are a part of something bigger and that there is nothing to fear. There is no beginning and no end to anything. 

You are beautiful just because you are. You are perfect in whatever state of perceived order or chaos you are wrapped in today.