Meditation for the REBIRTH full moon

This is a meditation from the TARA text called "Setting the Motivation"

Today, April 2nd, 2007, is the full moon- the first full moon of the Spring Equinox, the time for rebirth. On the full moon, all intentions and actions are amplified 10,000 times. I felt it important to share this. If you are reading this, it was meant for you, at this time. It is a gift for you. Receive it completely.

The fundamental nature of my mind is pure.
Within me is an inexhaustible source of love, wisdom and power.
The purpose of all spiritual practice
Is to reveal and make contact with this.
When ignorance is removed,
Unlimited wisdom, compassion and power arise.
It is the mind's conditioning that limits
Understanding of who I am
And what I can become.
I will cleanse my mind of faults
And develop beneficial qualities.
This removes obstacles to my path
And creates beneficial conditions.
Recognizing the interconnectedness of all,
I will strive to be my best
To manifest my enlightened potential.
Ever dedicated to benefiting all beings,
I will think, speak and act as
TARA.

Doing Your Best

I try to do my best every day. I am careful about how I interact with people, trying to add positive energy to seemingly minute interactions. I try to do the right thing in my work. I give as much if not more than I receive. I am generous and trusting with people, I believe in bringing out the best in people by expecting it. I am as loving and caring with my step-children as I am with my biological ones. They are all mine and none of them are mine. I say "yes" when someone needs help. I step up to the plate, even when the job is tough. I do the best that I can, not always succeeding like a super-mom would, but by trying and being willing to fail, rather than by not trying at all. My sister, Stephanie thinks I should write a book about how to be a good step-mother. She says that she uses me as an example of "how-to" with her friends who need some perspective into the world of raising someone else's kids. What I have is the perspective of someone who has been step-parented. I had (have) one stepmother and four stepfathers. I was a child born of the marriage of children. My sisters and I looked up to our parents, expecting them to be right and good, secure and strong, with full confidence that they were all of these things. We trusted our step parents to behave well too. We trusted them to love us, support us, support our relationship with the parent they were married to and the parent they were filling in for. In trust, we were frequently let down.

I learned how to be a good stepmother by remembering what it feels like to be a stepchild.

I hold my older girls' mother in very high esteem. I am willing to support her in any way that I can because I know how much I loved my mother and wanted her to be held in the highest esteem. There can be no rationalizing about why a parent is not a good one in the eyes of a child. Nature makes parents perfect people in the eyes of their children. All misdeeds are forgivable. And so, as a step mother, my job is to join my girls in the love of their mother (something I wish my stepmother had done for me).

Children are children for such a short time but carry the moldings of childhood into the solidification of their adult lives. Being loving, supportive, kind, nurturing, firm and trustworthy as a step parent is the right thing to do for the children in my care. I don't distinguish between the lines of marriage and bloodlines. In our family, I like to include my step daughters' sister from their mother's subsequent marriage in our important family events. I can so easily make her happy and provide her with great childhood memories, just by treating her as I would want to be treated. My father never included my sisters and me on a vacation with his new family. I do the opposite. I don't take a trip without ALL of my kids. As an adult my I also have been blessed by the example of my amazing step father who parents like I do. He loves my sisters and me and all of our children like we are his own. He treats us with respect, kindness and generosity and he adores our mother.

Step parenting comes with the bonus of having a big family without having to go through all of those pregnancies. I love being a part of a big crazy family. We fill all seven seats of the car, play board games, take big, memorable vacations where somebody inevitable complains too much about the food, or how boring it all was, but I truly truly love it. Whether they love me as much as I love them is not important. I am sure my work will show its value when it comes time for these kids to become parents. They won't have to resort to "just do the opposite". They will know just what to do to make the experience of being a family as precious as it can possibly be.

Presents

The day was warm, like a caress. It left me with my shoulders bared and comfortable in a skirt with bare feet. It was truly spring in Santa Barbara- eighty five with bulbs emerging and a warm breeze even in the shade. Present. I am and it was. I even wrote a thank you note- in advance- to the universe for the presents to come in the remainder of the year. I know I will not be disappointed. I always get what I ask for. I am thankful for my future connections in business- more belly chain orders and people excited about my "Presents of the Present" cards. I am grateful for the impact I will make on the world, the lives I will change. I thanked the universe for my healthy, beautiful, fit body, for the adventures we would have as a family on our travels and for my husband and his prosperous business. I am a wealthy, content woman who dares to devour each day with lust and appreciation for the smallest distraction. If today were a gift, it would have been wrapped in cornflower blue paper and tied with a lime green and fushia striped bow. It would have been one of many many gifts that I have come to appreciate and share. I hope I can share one with you. Write your thank you note. deliver it. Move through your days as if it has already come.

Transformation

Metamorphosis. I am going through a transformation. Many of us are. We are shedding our outer layers, peeling away the old skin. We are physically changing, painfully at times. We have been sick, depressed, unnerved. We are shifting, shedding, growing and it hurts. I imagine it as a metamorphosis. We re learning new skills, waking up to find hidden talents and feel passion that does not yet fit into our daily lives. We are not alone. I bet you know what I'm talking about. I have been sick for six weeks. My brain is foggy, not sharp. My motivation for certain tasks is lacking. It's hard for me to slow down to allow the shift to occur. I can't say that I have been unhappy though. I feel hopeful and inspired. I have visions of my future self, confident, luminous and beautiful in all ways. My family seems to be growing ever closer as the months turn into years, as if we are very much on the same path. When I see friends struggling or suffering in pain, I visualize the shift happening in them. The breaking of old habits and the re-tuning of body instruments to play a totally different musical score. Happy to be here, as always, even in the struggle, even in the exhaustion, even in the fog. I am happy.

You may not believe this....

I love my body. I love the way it can change at my whim. I love taking the mental tour, riding the course of the blood through my heart, picturing the rhythmic, steady beating, pumping. When I used to donate blood regularly, I used to be amazed at how warm the bag was, as it filled, propped heavily next to me. Warm and comforting, waiting to share it's nurturing energy with someone else. I love my body and how I can both give and receive touches, to my legs, my belly, feeling the softness of the skin, or appreciating the rough that needs smoothing. I love the way the curves can be sculpted and that at any time in one's life, the body can be changed. It can wax and wane in size, like the moon. It can recover from famine and obesity. It can grow more muscle and gain strength at any site where muscle exists. This body allows me to hear music and soar in my imagination with the sounds. I can savor foods and have a thirst that when quenched tastes the best water ever. I can smell and see, touch and hear. I can move and feel the stretch of a tired muscle, take comfort in the feeling of my straight hair pulled between two fingers. I love my body and the opportunity it affords me. To curl up in comfort under a warm and heavy blanket for a guilt free nap in the afternoon. To retreat into my mind for trips into the past or the future, rich with possibility. The body is a gift, in any state. Pain, as I have experienced in childbirth, can serve so much as a pendulum. In labor, the absence of pain is pleasure. In debilitating disease, the pain is feeling, it is experience and I imagine, it allows one insights into realms unreachable without it. In any form, the body is a gift, a wonder and a delight. There is good in it all and in all its possibilities. I ask you, today, to look at your body with different eyes, seeing it for what it is; a miracle. Talk to your organs, your heart, lungs, kidneys, intestines, your muscles, blood vessels, brain and bones. Notice how cuts heal and change is always possible. Notice how food is digested and water is absorbed. See your precious body for what it is, and LOVE it, give it the gift of your appreciation, your care and watch how it responds.

Angels

I was given this beautiful Rose Quartz Angel by my friend Eveline Maria, who is an angel incarnate. One of many Angels I am working with these days. They seem to be emerging from the woodwork, eager to assist, generous beyond reason, connected to my heart, even when I have yet to know their faces. I set this Angel on my table, with my therapeutic gemstone jewelry at the Winter Solstice Goddess Party. She had many admirers. I promised a few of them that I would find out where my friend Eveline Maria found her and provide a contact so that other angels could be brought home to Santa Barbara. This Angel came from Austrailia, from a woman named Kimberlee. Kimberlee is working on a film called The Crystalline Peace Project, compiling earthy images of peace. She can be reached via e-mail at kimberlee@chariot.net.au . Happy Angel connecting!

DARE TO DREAM IT!

I have a dream. My dream involves a harmonious planet populated with beings who respect themselves and each other. A planet that is no longer called infear but referred to by it's true name, GRACE. I have a dream that we can build and achieve all that we can imagine if our hearts and minds are truthful and authentic. Our work is fun and prosperous. We are able to support one another and share our prosperity. It becomes infectious. My dream starts with a store front in SANTA BARBARA where in collaboration with my friend(s) we can create a sanctuary of tea and community, of ritual and celebration of cultures. Our tea house is called HEALING TEA. HEALING TEA will have tea rituals from around the world on the menu. We will offer Ceremonial Japanese Green Tea, Persian Tea, English High Tea, Himaliayan Chai Tea, Amazonian Yerba Mate, and much more. We will also offer healing teas for the mind, body and spirit, infused with gem elixers. We will provide delicious raw finger foods and traditional accompaniments to the regional tea services. We, of course, will also serve Italian Coffee and Peruvian Hot Chocolate. Our tea house will have space for the sale of arts and objects that add to the nurturing spirit of our community. Apparel, jewelry, ornaments and comforts for the home, and gemstones, of course, will be available for purchase. We will create a space for gatherings such as a knitting circle and other opportunities to nurture our creativity. We will offer special services for milestones such as birthdays, life transitions and accomplishments. We will nurture the uniqueness that our community houses and honor the strengths of the individuals that comprise its whole. Our HEALING TEA HOUSE is a dream that will come to fruition. We need a space and the financial investment resources to make it happen. Improvements to a space may cost as much as $250,000 and rent may be as much as $4,000 per month. So, I am asking the universe to connect me to these resources and guide me in the leaps that need to be made. I have a dream. I believe in my dream. Watch me make it happen. Join me in making it happen. Contact me if you have any ideas, leads on spaces, or a desire to provide monetary backing for this worthwhile project. Thank you. THANK YOU.

Appreciation

She wears a bell around her neck. She would be stealth and dangerous to birds without it because she doesn't meow like other cats I have known. Every morning, in the pre-dawn darkness, she enters our room with a jingle, jumps onto the bed, and tries to stir me by standing on me or approaching me head. I pet her a bit, or ignore her altogether. She leaves only to return a few minutes later. We repeat the same process. Again, she behaves like the snooze button on an alarm clock, trying time and time again to rouse me. She does this countless times each day until I finally do what she wants me to do, and get out of bed. This pattern has been repeating now long enough and predictably enough for me to notice. This is a working cat who knows my schedule. I am an early riser. It is in the quiet pre-dawn dakness that I am able to get my work done. It is the time that belongs to no one but me, and now, the orange tabby, Clarissa, who's occupation seems in part to be guiding me to my work. To own the hours that belong to me and make use of what is precious. In appreciation, I aknowledge her and others I am noticing more and more.

LOVE

It is such a common word. Thrown around casually or withheld in discomfort. It is simple and I think it is the key to heal, nurture, save, reconcile, forgive, rebuild, open up, step out and really live fully. Love. Love lets you crank up the Charlie Brown Christmas music in your car as you wait in line at school to collect your child so the parents around you can hear it too. Love allows you to heal the horrific wounds of war by allowing perpetrators to provide and victims to accept an acknowledgement and an apology. Love of life gives us the sight to see all that is beautiful, to feel all that is joyful in our everyday experiences. The full moon shimmering a path on the placid, black water. Love displaces greed. Love displaces fear. Fear that there won't be enough. Fear that if we give too much it will open a door to theft. Love provides an impenetrable armor against the most deadly attack. Love softens the blow of infidelity, betrayal, the human weakness that we are all capable of. Love of ourselves first strengthens our hearts and readies them to face any and all challenges. When we have love for ourselves, and we nurture our passions, we are whole and can not be shattered. Our souls are unbreakable. Love allows us to float in joy by attracting more of the same where ever we go. Love creates itself infectious and communicable. Love opens doors and hearts. Love melts frigidity. Love changes people. Love reverses tragedy. Give it to yourself. Give it away. The supply is endless. The more you use the more there is. Give a drop and receive a wave. LOVE. I mean it.

The Secret

She whispers it to me. Laughing, hiding her mouth so I only see her eyes. It is fun for her to know this and keep it hidden from me. She says it is like a present that you can unwrap at any time. The secret is..... We create our own experience. In essence, we are driving our own destiny. We can play with the future. We can create wealth, poverty, heath or illness. We can create love and unity or discord and disruption. As souls in physical form, we are capable of attracting whatever we want. We have a hard time knowing what that is and even second guess ourselves when we do know what we want. We are afraid of being wrong. We are afraid to ask. We won't even vocalize our wishes sometimes because we believe they could never happen. We don't always trust ourselves.

I have since childhood, seen the future as a present. wrapped up for me to open and enjoy. My life has really been like that. I enjoy it. I, of course, have a list of manifestations that I am willing into action. Money - so much that I have plenty to share, an easement of the self criticism that hinders the manifestational abilities of my loved ones, health and a healthy appreciation of the miraculous machine that IS my body, and of course, world peace through a very specific visualization of my limitless heart energy wrapping around the planet twice, empowering each individual with the gift of self love and compassion. I dream big. I don't limit myself. How else can I propel myself to the status of benvolent ruler of the planet?

The Evolution of Doubt

Raising children provides a bit of an opportunity to study human nature. I have the privelidge of being a stepmother of two girls who are now in the mid teen and early adulthood stages of their lives, so I really have observed the course of self power that evolves as we grow. My small children, an observant and stubborn three year old and a dreamy, distractable six year old serve as my early childhood models. They are demanding of what they want. The ask for big and small, dream of trips to Disneyland and swimming with dolphins in Hawaii. They manifest with their words and in their art. They do not doubt in their ability to get what they want. My teenage children are at the stage of being afraid to want. They tell me, they can not have strong desires because their fear of not receiving or achieving is too great. Failure would be too painful. Fear of not getting is motivation for not asking, not wanting. The oldest, who is in college now, expressed her fears about not getting into the right college from the first semester of her freshman year in high school. Her motivation for learning was not to learn, but to earn the grade that would provide the best chance of getting into the most competitive schools. It was her belief that students who didn't achieve a 4.0 grade point average were doomed to sub-standard collegic experiences. When it came time to apply, she dared to not want any one college too much, for the fear of not getting what she wanted was greater than the hope that she would achieve her goal. She was confirmed when she auditioned for the UCLA school of theater, a very small, highly competitive program, and vocalized a passionate desire to be accepted into this program and was very disappointed when she did not get accepted. In hindsight, she is now a student at a small, highly respected liberal arts college in the pacific north west and has been very active in the theater department. I am now experiencing the same doubtful behavior emerging from my second stepdaughter. Now a highschool freshman, she is more mature and self-aware than most her age, but still limits her future with her verbal communication of doubt. I don't know exactly how she feels but what she verbalizes to me is the same fear her sister had about the grades and the colleges. She actually insisted to me that she was not a smart as I thought she was, implying very strongly that I didn't know the real her. Of course, this is all a bunch of "dark matter" which clouds the truth and weighs down the heart to the point of self doubt or even self-loathing. Being an optimist and a full believer and subscriber in the law of attraction, I prefer to see my children in the stage of believing in miracles and asking for the world. I know, from experience, that if there is something you really want, you can and will have it. You may have to take steps and never accept failure as an option, but you will have it. It may not fall into your lap, you may not know how it will come to be yours, but if you believe that it will happen, it WILL HAPPEN. I used to write notes to the universe or god and ask for very specific things. My husband started out as a journal entry with qualities listed and he showed up as a blind date. My child was a request made on a strip of paper placed in my Wish Box. She came to me as a positive pregnancy test on my thirtieth birthday. Our house, which we wanted to buy but couldn't (because the owner would not sell) came to us after a request was made to the universe, in writing, as a wish in my Wish Box. It was unforeseen circumstances that led the owner to a place where he needed to sell the house. My daughter was six weeks old when we signed the papers. Over and over I have made requests. I know that for me there are no limits to what I can have, so I am shooting BIG. I am shooting for the elimination of self doubt of all people. I am aiming for the birth of self forgiveness and compassion for ALL PEOPLE. I am envisioning the feeling for existing in a world where there are no limits to what we can achieve. NO LIMITS.

How to Make it ALL Fun!

We switched cars, my husband and I, so he could take my Toyota hybrid on a long day-trip to Monterey and I could tootle around town, doing motherly things, in his non-hybrid car. I dropped the kids off at their respective schools. I actually thought to myself, "this car is like driving a roller skate with metal wheels", as I felt every bump in the road, evry crack. Later, as I exited the freeway on my way to a meeting and I felt the tell-tale thud-thud-thud-thud, I know why the car drove like that. It pretty much WAS a roller skate with a metal wheel. I was, miraculously, never annoyed. I was happy my husband was safely driving my car and that my kids were in school so I had the time to wait for triple A. I was not annoyed, alarmed or peeved. I left my car, walked to my meeting, and when it was over, arranged to have a nice man in thick gloves change my tire. While I waited, I took some photographs, as I always carry my camera in my purse. I took this picture and some other beautiful shots of flowers, sun-dappled leaves, a statue of two doves kissing. It was an altogether lovely morning. Sure, I was'nt able to write a blog that morning, or make a belly chain, but I did receive some much needed time to just breathe, enjoy the veiw of the mountains in the morning light and just spend a few minutes with myself. I believe situations like this one happen for a reason. I think if we can look at even the seemingly tough situations as opportunity, we learn that it CAN all be fun!

You Can't Hate Yourself

I have been REALLY busy. Demands for my time and energy have stretched me thin. Well not actually, I am actually being stretched fat. My children have needed me, my creative urges consume any scraps of time, I am drowning in clutter in my home and still haven't recovered from a long summer of travel. I am running on fumes and still have so much on my plate that needs my attention. I realized the other night, after consuming a substantial quantity of raw cookie dough that was part of a dinner I was preparing for my daughter's first grade teacher who had just given birth to a new baby, that I was not allowed to hate myself, for A. Eating sugar, which I have been trying to give up, and B. Induldging in the forbidden substance in such a gluttonous fashion. I wanted to hate myself. I was leaning toward the old habit of self-hatred, which is a set up for more "bad" behavior. No matter how appalling the act was, the thing I could not allow myself to do was to hate myself for the weakness that defines me as human. It is really the thing that binds us. We inevitably, on a daily basis make mistakes, do things wrong, hurt people's feelings, trip up in our goals, show ourselves as vulnerable and imperfect. Not one of us is immune to the pitfalls of the human condition. Some mistakes are huge, and made very public, some are tiny and known only to us, our little secret, like the cookie dough. Having grown up with recovering alcoholics, I KNOW about making mistakes and how important it is to find compassion and forgiveness first for yourself, so you can make amends where they are required to be made. I can only imagine the effect of every earthly individual coming to terms with their imperfect nature, and offering compassion, first to themselves, then to all around them. Can you imagine the power in that ? Whatever you have done, whatever it is, I hope you will forgive yourself and let it be considered a lesson in being human. It will not be the last mistake you make, but it may be the last one of that kind. I can't say that I won't eat raw cookie dough again. I can say that I will not hate myself if I do indulge, for that would ruin the sweetness of the experience.

MANIFESTATION

Today, I am purely me, full of hope, love, compassion. I am tolerant, I am forgiving. I appreciate all that is here for me to experience. I am a vessel for the receipt and deliverence of abundance. I am not attatched to things, people, outcomes in the future or events of the past. I am rich, whole and so filled with love and life that I can heal the earth with my heart, with my intent. I am powerful in the most gentle way.

Hooked on the Claw

They have something to teach. It's something I have been willing to study my whole life. How to nap, how to ask for what you want, how to be persistent in the asking, how to say," no, I don't care for that", and without hesitation, they know how to say, "pet me!" I have always been attracted to cats. I have five. They are like magnets to my iron, pulling me away from my task, drawn to their exposed belly, their sleepy smile. They know how to savor the sunlight and the leafy, dappled shade. They know how to be clean and how to get really dirty. This cat, the one who's paw clutches my latest belly chain creation, sleeps in my lavendar garden. I pick him up and he smells like my favorite flower, clean, bright, honest. I can't really explain it other than a pure fascination, a lifelong attraction to the feline form, an admiration and a love. Like my attraction to gemstones, I suspect both can be therapeutic when received with an open heart.

Breathe in JOY

My sisters and I created magic last weekend. We envisioned, planned and executed a weekend in New York City to surprize our mother in honor of her sixtieth birthday. We made a miracle happen. We found care for our eleven children. We financed our trip by manifesting the cash. We experienced NYC without blisters on our feet, without rain, without terrorism. We were gifted with cupcakes from Magnolia Bakery, Grey Gardens, the musical and hot corned beef from the Broadway Deli. We ran, laughing, down the hall of the hotel with bras on our heads, flirted with bus drivers and saw orbs in the photos we took in the subway tunnels. It truly was a magical weekend for me with my sisters and my mother and her friends. I am rich. I am full. I am satisfied and I am happy. I invite you to manifest as much fun or more for yourself. Tell me what you come up with.

Information

I was recently told that I don't ask for help enough from my angels. It's true. I don't ask for help. From anyone. This, of course, is not good. I was told that my angels are there, waiting, willing, happy to help, at any time, but, I have to ask. I have to ask. I was told that I get communications from my angels in the form of chills down my spine, shivers, electricity, goose bumps. I took this information and have been applying it. It's worth asking just for the feeling of electricity surging up and down my spine in response to a question I have asked from my angels. Another person told me that I have a lot of angels supporting me. Over twenty. A literal support team. I have decided that I am going to engage their talents more frequently than I have been. I am going to trust their abilities and go at it with full knowledge that the team is on it. I can and will do so much more with my angel support staff in action, that I'm letting the stubborn independence go, in exchange for the angelic team approach. I figure, that if I have that many souls connected to me that I must have some pretty important work to do and I'd best get my ego out of the way and get to it. I asked for financial flow. I am getting it. I asked for direction and instructions on how I work with my stones. I am getting it. I am open to receiving it. It is my job now to remind you to do the same thing. Imagine that you have a support team devoted solely to you. Imagine that their greatest happiness comes in loving and helping you to do your life's work. Imagine that you can acomplish ANYTHING. Know that you are heard. Know that you are adored. Know that you are integral to this planet at this time. Know that. Feel the shivers? Ask a question, ask for guidence. Feel the shivers?

You CAN Figure It Out

Physics has been on my mind lately. I've been helping Quinlan, my freshman ward with her homework and re-living the science that quantifies and predicts. In our session this morning, I boiled it down to simple steps, "write down what you know, then write down what you need to find out, then, figure out how to get there and remain willing to get there in an indirect way"- meaning using potentially more than one equation. She caught on and beautifully plowed through five or six problems with quiet resolution. I was excited. I said, "see how satisfying physics can be?" It really is easy at this level. Newton and Hawking, Feynman and Einstein and all the other physicists of our past, have derived all of the relationships which lead to the simple explanations that we call formulae. I know you are bored. You are tuning out right now. You think, "I don't get it" or some other bit of nonsense. The epiphany for me came in the simple instructions I gave to Quinlan. Write down what you know. Write down what you want to know. Figure out how to get there. This formula can work for almost any situation in life to get you from where you are to where you want to go. Anything. There are no limits. The power of intention works because you put that intention out there in your actions, in your beliefs and in your encounters with others towards a particular goal. Think about the guy in Canada who traded a red paperclip for a house (after many trades and some choice items for barter). His intentions were clear. He asked for what he wanted in every transaction. He modeled what intention and belief and hard work can do for you. He inspired hope. I also wish to inspire hope. The hardest part is knowing what you want or what you need. You have more than you think to work with in order to get it. Trust me. Go for it.

There is no Right Way

The first time I took physics in college I struggled. My professor was a young indian man who solved physics problems on his dry erase board as if it was so obvious that the problem should be solved the way he solved it. He taught with haste, annoyance and seemingly, just because he had to. I tried to learn by following his steps, by doing it his way, by memorizing the procedure that he so casually presented to his class. I didn't learn. I achieved a less than passing grade. I felt mighty stupid and quite the failure. Fortunately, my university had a repeat/delete option for students who wished for that D or F to be taken out of their GPA equation. I repeated physics and learned much more than just physics in the process. I'm not sure if it was my next professor's passion for teaching or my own maturity, but I figured out that in physics, there was more than one way to solve a problem. I had to come up with my own methods of breaking down the problem, solving each component as I understood it and arriving at the conclusion my own way. I didn't have to use the same technique as anyone else, as long as I understood what needed to be done and came up with a plan for getting there. I ended up with the top grade in a class of eighty some students and a renewed love for physics.

This lesson has stuck with me. I am a problem solver and don't give up easily. I rarely back away from a difficult situation or a seemingly impossible task. I tend to say "yes" even when I don't know how something is going to come together or where the financial backing will come from. I find things that are lost because I will not give up looking . The missing Costco card eluded me for a few days. I took a break from looking for it and ran across it when I was looking for Kieran's school pictures in the pile on my desk. The Costco card was chamoflauged on the top of my giant, illustrated oxford dictionary. Kind of like when I'm star gazing and my peripheral vision picks up the smudge of the andromeda galaxy, I had to stop looking for it to find it.

When I posted this picture, the story I have just written came to mind. The centerstone in this belly chain is Tiger's Eye. Here is what Judy Hall has to say about this stone: Tiger's Eye assists in accomplishing goals, recognizing inner resources and promoting clarity of intention. Tiger's Eye is excellent for people who are spaced out or uncommitted. It grounds and facilitates manifestation of the will. Tiger's Eye heals issues of self-worth, self criticism and blocked creativity. It aids in recognizing one's talents and abilities and, conversely, faults that need to be overcome.

Bursting out of the Box

This is love. Pure and sweet. When permitted, invited and encouraged to do what I love, love pours out of me and I create beauty. O.K., I didn't "create" this stone. The earth and time did, but I saw it, picked it up, bought it and strung it together with all these other exquisite stones. I do believe this is moss agate but I'm re-naming it "celestial agate" because it looks like a galaxy to me, or the earth from space. The secret, I'm beginning to understand, of my joy is this. I need to and should do at leat one thing a day to stir my soul and make me happy. Today it was creating this beautiful belly chain for Chizuko and another amazing piece for her mother. On Friday, it was painting a watercolor picture of the Santa Barbara Mission on the Mission lawn with my children. Side by side, we created together. I could do that every day.

I am beginning to realize that when life situations make us believe we are failures or that we have not achieved, maybe it is all just a misinterpretation. Maybe the "box" we are trying to fit into just isn't big enough to hold us. Our spirit needs to "fail" in order to be permitted to grow to its potential, to expand to its limitless dimension. When we are forced to alter our course, we are granted the gift of a new perspective. What if this lifetime is just like a ride at Disneyland, and when it's over you say, "that was scary", or "that made me sick", or " that was fun! Let's do it again!"- and you can look at what your life is at this very moment and appreciate it for the sheer experience of having it- what will it make you change? How will it lighten your heart to know that there is NO FAILURE? There are no mistakes. There is only you and the gift of this moment.

Losing My Mind, (among other things)

My Costco card just DISSAPPEARED. It was in my hand 60, maybe 90 seconds ago when I punched the numbers into the Costco website to create my "list" of items I hope to obtain during the next cupon cycle. Hey, you can save a lot during those prescribed times for buying toilet paper and toothpaste. In this case, it was a new Dell laptop, as the one I'm typing on will no longer communicate with any printer, especially the new one my husband lovingly purchased for me in March. I had been waiting for the old printer to really die before I put it into retirement. It had become tempermental about taking in the paper and could, on most occasions, be lovingly, patiently coaxed to perform. I hooked up the new printer in order to "up" the quality of some business cards I needed to print and never imagined that I would log eight to ten hours of my precious time trying to get my old (three years, this March) laptop to communicate with my new printer. It got to the point that I knew I could bring the entire hard drive down if I kept on trying. Which led me to the discussion with my husband, the biggest investor in my business, of my dire need for a new computer. Having put the word out, I was only somewhat surprised that the Costco coupon book that arrived in the mail today included a coupon for up to $250 off of a new Dell laptop. I eagerly logged on to the Costco website, which I have not, up till now, been a member. I filled in all my personal info, my mailing address and phone number, my business name and password which led me to the card number, which I copied from the card I extracted from my wallet, buried deep in the well of my purse. There was, I confess, a moment of distraction, when my six year old daughter came to me, climbed up the side of my bar chair and pulled herself into my lap, pestering me with demands about swimming with dolphins someday at Sea World. I don't believe in making promises that I can't keep, so I said that it was "unlikely" that we would swim with dolphins at Sea World. In my defense, I did throw out Hawaii as a possibility, knowing that swimming a lap with dolphins was more likely to happen that way. She stormed off, ranting that there were no dolphins to swim with in Hawaii and that we had already been there once anyway. It was then that I started looking for my precious Costco card, and up till now, my heart sinks as I report that I CAN NOT FIND IT! After searching through my wallet, purse and all adjacent drawers and surfaces multiple times, it came to me that my sweet, innocent, dolphin-loving daughter might somehow be linked to the dissappearance of my Costco card. I questioned her gently, then firmly, using the tactic of presumed guilt. I even forced her to help me look for it. To no avail.
The curse of my experience in motherhood is that I am forced to multi-task and my brain is not always up to the job. More than once I have been engaged in witty conversations on the phone and put some item that requires refrigeration into a cupboard. I have a system of organized chaos that, if left undisturbed, usually allows me to retrieve important documents and papers at will. It is the expansion of my creative spirit and the organizational requirements of motherhood that drive me to this state of frustration. My fight for a calm and serene life fuel my inner diologue of, "that was a bad picture anyway", besides, there's always more where that came from.

Serenity in the Chaos

You try and you try to gets things done, to complete, to achieve, to have success, but there are always, delays, mishaps, rodblocks, hurdles and unforseen mud holes that you find yourself falling into. The day, of course, is not long enough to feed and clothe the children, feed and clothe myself, unload the dishwasher so I can load it, clean up the kitchen so I can cook, feed the ten animals breakfast before lunchtime, log on to my e-mail, log on to the wesites where I have an anticipated presence, create things on the computer, create jewelry at my desk, print out stone properties, package and mail things out, write bills and mail them on time, listen to voicemail, answer the phone, answer the cell phone, break up the fighting children, feed them lunch, take them to local spots of enrichment, rotate the laundry, unload and load the dishwasher, pick up the debris field in every room, have a meaningful relationship, be a good friend, think of others, make sure I'm taking care of myself, write this blog, take pictures, get pictures printed, put the prints in albums, update the baby books, clean out the closets, prepare for a garage sale, take a nap, quiet my mind.....That's not even the end of the list, but it's a start. I know this is a common issue among women, who tend to have a knack for menally cataloging things that need to be done, tended to, addressed, dealt-with. It must be part of the double X that makes us acutely aware of the list of things to do and again, that XX makes us feel a twinge of responsibility in making sure it all gets done. Great.

Today, I share with you some new pieces (that can be seen on www.terracelestejewelry.com) created with simplicity (and men) in mind. My hope for you, as well as for me, is that we find all of our chores completed by some fairy or angel, husband or child, or, that what remains undone for now does not irritate us or nag us with it's incompleteness. Let us be serene in the chaos.

Loud and Clear

My throat had been hurting BAD for over two weeks. Bad enough for me to see my internist, who cultured me for strep but said it was probably allergies. To swallow was painful and my voice was beginning to reverbrate. My friend, who had seen success with reiki, scheduled me an appointment. I met with Liesel, who, with her tender touch, worked my chakra system channelling universal, healing energy through my meridian. My throat chakra was misaligned. No surprise. I was told that I needed to speak my anger. "But I can't- I don't have anger- only love, compassion, empathy..." Tears began to stream down my face. Fuck. I have anger. Unexpressed, of course. God damn it. I hate anger. I hate annoyance. I hate intolerance. I hate the weakness that comes with these shallow emotions. I hate having them. O.K. , I was willing, am willing to admit my imperfections and express my (cough) anger. Ohh, that means fessing up to my deep, old wounds from my childhood when my father left my sisters and I with only a child support check and holiday cards signed "love, Dad" to mark his paternal contribution. He had two more children, whom I can truthfully say that I have slept under the same roof with fewer than fourteen times. These children went on family vacations and had their father present at graduations and important occasions. Not that I am jelous of them. I am not. I am only dissapointed in my father for choosing to step aside and partake not in a difficult life as a father to three beautiful, strong women. As a step mother, I know first hand that divorce makes parenting far more challenging than it already can be. It is a challenge for those of us willing to get down and dirty to stand by our children, for their sake, even if it makes us uncomfortable, uneasy, unsettled, unhappy. Even if it makes us cry, we should be there for our kids. He has no excuse, he should have been there for us. He wasn't. I'm angry. But maybe a little bit less, now that I've written the words. I am healing. Using my voice. Speaking loud and clear. Even if the words aren't pretty.
By the way, my throat doesn't hurt any more. Not for eight days, since my session with Liesel.

Presence

It was sometime four or five thousand years ago that people created this stone circle. Its center stone and two outer circle stones line up with the arc of the sun during the summer solstice. It meant something, served a purpose, brought people together in ceremony or reverance. In life. We have but a short time to make our mark. We all do. Some of us do it loudly, and boldly, knowing we will leave an impression. Some of us are quiet and stealth in our passing through life, but pass nonetheless. We have presence- NOW. We breathe. We have the opportunity to create, to feel, to experience or to create experiences. We are ALIVE. We have this gift. Do you feel it? Your skin tingles with the touch of your own hand. If nothing else, we have the wealth of this moment. This breath. This opportunity. What would THEY give for what you have? This opportunity. What will you make of your today?

Precious Moments

You never know how it's going to unfold. You think you do. You say "no" to things, anticipating the outcome. You think you'll be too stressed. That it will be too hard. You never know what's around the corner. What pieces of your life will come together with that unforseen experience, with that person you sat next to on the plane. You just don't know what an experience will hold until you put your feet, your heart and your soul there. Open and ready for it. Don't let fear dictate where your path takes you. Set the anticipation, the fear, the anxiety and preconcieved ideas aside. Walk in blank, happy, open, willing, fearless.

This gargoyle was named "Ryan" by my daughter, Kieran. Ryan spent a rainy night with my belly chain in his mouth. I felt that he had information to share with me. Ryan sat to the right upon entering the castle we lived in for a week in the Burren of Ireland. Ireland was unlike anything I had imagined. I had thought it would be rainy, green and relatively sedate. I had been excited, but not extatic about our trip. I knew very little about the country. Had heard that there were better places to travel in Europe, like Scotland. The castles are more interesting in Scotland.

Ireland spoke to my heart. It said it was part of me and I was part of her, the lovely isle, fronting the stormy atlantic. The Burren, a geologic wonderland, laden with limestone, the fossilized remains of prehistoric oceans. Also, the sacred place where humans connected with the earth and the sky- utilizing the limestone sheets to form mesolithic monuments that were mathematically aligned with the solstice in summer. Ahhhh, nothing could excite me more that the unity of earth and sky. The terra celeste is part of me. In the burren were caves, formed by water carving it's space and aged gently with calcite, the mineral remains from water passing through the limestone, taking thousands of years to form the crystal stalagtites that grace us with such delicate beauty. The energy in the caves was sweet. Freed from worry, fear, anxiety. Calcite works wonders in it's ability to absorb negativity. I was submerged in my joy.

The castle, Smithstown Castle, was heaven. Built in the mid fourteenth century, it held experience, stories, feelings, time in it's granite walls and spiral stairs. It was our opportunity for time travel. The gargoyles out front were protective and amusing. Sparking joy and thought at each glimpse.

As a gift to yourself, say yes today, where you might rather say no. Let go of the fear of what you think an experience will hold and just walk into it. Keeping the smile on your face. If nothing else, you may come out of it with a story to tell.

Vacation

I'm taking a break from stress. Clutter in the livingroom, shoe collections in the hallway, toys, papers and junkmail will all have to wait for my return. Grandma will get your cereal, auntie will wipe your nose, cousins will watch you swim. Mommy needs a break. I am forced to let hours pass doing nothing but sit and gaze. I am relinquishing the urge to accomplish something in the spare thirty minutes that would be a project at home. I am on vacation and I need the break. I will soak up the warmth, the sweet sounds of the ocean waves and the kids frolicking in them. I am taking advantage, resting my hands, recharging my battery. I am thinking about you, about what you need. My creative and healing energies are being ampified in their slumber. Dreaming energy connecting to where I am needed. I never knew the warmth of the atlantic ocean, the fine, silky sand. I was raised in the Pacific, cold by comparison, laden with kelp and grasses, tar stuck to my feet. The Atlantic is a caress, gentle and calming. Soothing and inviting. I am on vacation.

Be back July 23rd, if you need me.

Full

This Wednesday is the full moon. Scientifically, I can tell you, that the full moon, because of it's position in opposing the sun, pulls the oceans (and everything else) in it's gravitational exchange. The tides are more extreme during a full moon (and even more so during the new moon). Evolutionarily, the tidal fluctuations were probably responsible for life emerging from the oceans and populating land, as it allowed oceanic life the opportunity to evolve mechinisms of survival outside that of water.

Spiritually, the full moon amplifies intentions and actions. Whatever you do during the full moon, whatever your intentions, the moon intensifies the effects. My daily goals have been to let go of judgement, annoyance, fear, struggle, and any negativity. So far so good- I have made it through a whirlwind of travel, happy and content and relatively stress free. But... my inner diologue has played a part in helping me let go of certain things. Conflict keeps rising up in me in the form of annoyance with some people. I read a profound statement that illuminated the solution to this problem. It was to imagine that person, or any for whom you foster any negativity, and hold them in your heart as perfect. Perfect where they are, as they are. To achieve nirvana is to ease all sufferring. The great thing about this is that you have the power within you to suffer or to not suffer. Even in difficulty and in pain, out mind and our heart can be serene.

So, my inner diolugue and excercise has gone something like this.... I stuggle with my feelings of annoyance by telling myself that the person bugging me is perfect, just where he/she is. I do not have to suffer. I can exchange my annoyance for love if I choose, and in the action of thinking this, I am bathed in serenity. I SWEAR it works!!!!

Of course, it is a bit more difficult to apply this technique when the subject of annoyance is your two small children arguing in the back seat of the car over a plastic tiger while you are trying to navigate a crowded freeway....but, the goal for me is to keep on trying.

I will use this upcoming full moon to set my intentions for the ease of sufferring and great abundance which I will share wholeheartedly.

What can I do for you?

Go There

Fear can be such a paradox. It can tighten your muscles, shorten your breath, make your heart race, steiffel your voice, stop you short of acting, inhibit your experiences, sabotage your successes. Fear can kill you before the thing you are afraid of has a chance to. I used to have nightmares of all the things I was terrified of. Great white sharks eating me whole, men chasing me, trying to hurt or kill me, my boyfriend cheating, my husband communing with his ex-wife, my children in danger, nuclear wepons being deployed. I have had to face all of these fears in my subconscious and realize, in the process of dreaming, that the fear is potentially more harmful than the actual thing of which I am fearful. I am very much aware of my mind's ability to manifest my reality, and so I don't entertain these fears in my waking hours. Ever. I am not afraid of identity theft, car jacking, burglury, earthquake, tsunami, fire, etc. I figure, I'll have the tools to deal with any situation that may arise and I'll keep with me my attitude, loving nature and sense of humor at all times. Hey, I know this lifetime is relatively short and I'm willing to risk being uncomfortable for the exchange of a rich, experiential life. As I'm getting older, I realize my fear is diminishing. Victims create themselves with their fear. I don't think I will ever be one. As I think about my marriage, any fears I may have carried with me up till now, have cleared, like morning fog. I hope to share this power with you. Just for today, I ask you to erase any and all fears or doubts you may have. What would you do without the fear? How will you react to a situation without the fear? How will you persue your dreams without the fear? How will you interact with your partner without the fear? Let me know how it goes.

Lust For Life

Tomorrow morning I will leave my house at two AM, pack four kids in the car and drive to LAX for a six am flight across the country. I will spend seven days in a large house with my parents, sisters, their husbands and ALL of our eleven kids. We will eat together, swim together, make messes, clean up. There will be tantrums and sunburns, singing and poetry. We will write letters and have a talent show, eat and over-eat. Some of us will be cranky at times, maybe get our feelings hurt, but we will be together. As a family. I have a lust for life. I want to both devour it and savor it delicately. I get distracted as I pack because Clarissa, the kitten, walks by me, brushing her lean teenage cat body against my leg. I have to take a moment to hold her, scratching behind her ears, feeling the rumbling purr. I will be away from my desk for three weeks. After a week on the beach, I jet off with my kids and meet up with my husband for two weeks in Ireland. He has set us up for an adventure that includes a fifteenth century single-family castle and a small village cottage. We like to live as if we were a part of a place, a part of a time, not visitors, passing through on the fringe. It will be an experience full of sensations I haven't yet had, yet already feel so familiar. I will have stories to tell anecdotes to report, musings and incidents that will inevitably change me for the better. I have a lust for life.

In Deep

There we stand, at the altar, in front of our family, friends, looking into each other's eyes and making promises about the future while not really knowing how it will unfold or what kind of people we will be when we encounter sickness and heath, richness or poverty, better times or worse. So, down the road, we have changed into different people. We have metamorphosized into fathers and mothers. Our relationship becomes more efficient and less emotional, and inevitably, we feel diconnected, discontent, lonely, and confused. We may even feel angry, betrayed, unloved and unappreciated. We seek solace. We seek comfort. If we are uncomfortable being vulnerable with our spouse, we seek it elsewhere. We get into trouble.

I have seen divorce. I have experienced it as a child, four times by my mother, whom I adore. I KNOW that marriage is hard. The way I see it is this. At the inception of marriage,we know enough about each other to make a judgement call about the future, but we are not static. We are all constantly changing and growing. We cannot expect our partners to be exactly the same from day to day, they and we, have the right to grow and evolve. I feel like I am just getting to know my husband of seven years. I do not feel that I know him completely and I never take for granted that he is an interesting, desireable person who chooses on a daily basis to spend his life with me. He is not "mine", I do not own him. His body is his and I am fortunate that he chooses to share it with me, as I choose to share mine with him. Our marriage is an exploration. As the years are passing, I feel that the roots of our feelings are growing, deeper, stronger. I am not afraid of infidelity. I appreciate my husband, look at him from the perspective of other women and let him know how handsome, sexy, loving, thoughtful and wonderful he is. He also verbalizes more and more his appreciation and affection for me. Over time, we are knowing each other more and enjoying the comingled experience of being together and parenting our children. What happens, though, when we encounter real hurdles? What happens when one of us gets sick. Really sick? Terminally ill? How do we cope? How do we hold ourselves together and take care of ourselves so we can take care them? How do we make sense of financial instability, infidelity, addictions? How do we survive as individuals so that the marriage will? Can we come out of such a conflict intact? Can we come out stronger? I think we can. I have hope, I have confidence that if we look only at ourselves, at our part, and are able to feel compassion for our partner, as much compassion as we would provide to a friend, we can survive. In marriage, we get confused and let the boundaries between husband and wife blur. We think of our spouse as us. We think of ourselves as one. We are hard on ourselves and hard on our spouse. We loose compassion, the ability to forgive human weakness, the inevitability of making mistakes. We get bruised and grow fearful. We harden and turn cold. We shut down and stop talking. We forget to voice our needs without anticipationg what the response might be. We manifest failure.

I am writing this to encourage a shift. We can heal. We can survive. We can love, even when times are tough. We can own up to our own issues. We can and should say, I was wrong. I am sorry. We can change. We can mean it when we say I love you. We can truly mean it when we make those promises about loving for better or for worse, in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer, until death do us part. We can love deeply and feel loved completely, for lifetimes.

Get Uncomfortable

Sometimes the key to gratitude is walking into discomfort. I can remember vividly the summer after college graduation when I spent two months in Ecuador to participate in medical research with two of my favorite college professors and another student who became my good friend. Those sixty days were long, hot, dirty, and lonely in addition to being influential and beneficial for character building. We were stuck a lot in gooey, sticky, boot-sucking mud on long trails that led to houses with no outhouses or running water. No gas for fire, no dry wood for cooking, and of course, no electricity. This was the trip that started in a cheap hotel in Quito, where Dr. Rudy's backpack (with all of his money, eyeglasses, radio and other important things) was stolen on the first day, and prostitutes had the bed in the next room squeaking all night. This trip also started with a drive in a cab through a cloud of smoke that burned my eyes and nose and turned out to be tear gas from a riot to protest the escalation of the price of fuel. When the sixty days were over, and I was home again, my heart swelled with gratitude for the modern conveniences which were really luxuries. A flushing toilet, warm water, a gas stove that you could just cook on, clean water that you could just drink, paved roads. And my heart swelled with love for the Ecuadorian families who were able to create a home for their children with delicious food and joyous pasttimes like soccer while living without the modern tools we have come to take for granted in this country. Families that were young and strong and bound tightly together in the rigors of life and the simple joys that come from simple living. I came home reluctantly, missing my experiences. Missing the hostel we found in Quito, on a beautiful maple-lined street, where we had a clean room and breakfast for seven dollars a night. Missing the music and the beautiful arts available on the streets. Missing the discomfort that I learned to embrace and love and appreciate. Have you ever had an experience like that? One that makes you come home happy to see your house, no matter the state of disarray? I did it today. I worked in a doctor's office, strapped to a desk, being of service, doing everything I could. I came home to a very messy house, to children I MISSED, happy to be there. I came home happy to prepare dinner. I needed that.

I created this belly chain using Labradorite, amazonite and aquamarine. It is a powerful, protective enlightening piece. Guarenteed to make you happy and appreciative in the most difficult of situations all the while, protecting and aligning you and diminishing your fear so you are left with only the pleasure of getting uncomfortable.

How To Wear It

It's not by accident that the therapeutic jewelry I create is intended to be worn at your core. The belly is the mid point of your chakra system, the uniting locale where earth and sky come together. The terra celeste. I have come over and over to the road block of a woman saying, "I could not possibly wear a piece of jewelry at my waist. I do not have the belly for it!" I wish to emphasize to those women and to those people who are to be exposed to my work, that the belly chain has a job to do. Like a bra, who's job it is to support your breasts, the job of the belly chain is to support your upper and lower chakra systems from your median. The belly chain is most effective when it is touching your skin. It should therefore be worn under your clothes. It is for you, for your body and for, potentially, your eyes only. I have never heard a woman say, that she could not possibly wear a bra, for her body is not fit enough to wear one. I hope never to hear another woman claim that her body is not worthy of the therapeutic and nurturing benefits of the belly chain. I wear on average, three a day, under my clothes. They are not bulky. They do not jingle. I, because I am not shy about my belly, often expose the chains I'm wearing to describe what it is that I do. And, because my work is custom, your size does not matter to me. What matters to me is that the chain will encircle you, as it should. Even if you resemble Saturn, I will create your rings. I am not a jeweler. I am a practitioner. My job is to help, guide, nurture, heal, love, encourage, support and cherish. Please, do not let the condition of your body dictate your worthiness to receive my gifts. Feel free to ask any questions or make any comments. I am happy you have found me. Please let me find you.

Gratitude in the Fitting Room

I was trying on the new "miracle suit" at Nordstrom the other day. I wanted to see if I really did look ten pounds lighter in ten seconds. Here's what I saw. If I had been gazing not at myself but on some other woman in the black cross over one piece, I would have thought, "she looks nice, elegant, sleek, handsome, not a waif, but a woman, full and lovely". What I thought of myself was... I am wide, very wide from behind, my skin is lumpy, dimpled and discolored with bruises and spider veins, and where did my real body go? You know what I'm talking about. The body that was free and easy in a bikini. The body I used to self consiously wrap a towel around for the trip from my beach blanket to the water. Where is my real body? Why is this memory of my former self the model of comparison? I haven't looked like that in many years. I am thirty seven now. Still comparably young and younger than I will ever be. I realize that my body is still beautiful and my gift and absolutely deserves to be cherished even in its lumpy, puckered, blotchy form. It still allows me to be comfortablt mobile, to wrestle my children into submission, to travel, to enjoy things like food and wine, flowers and stars. My body can hear music and still dance to it. My body can make jewelry and write this essay. My body could even be one of the Dove models in the campaign for real beauty, which I love, by the way.

I didn't buy the miracle suit. I have a cute halter top and skirt left over from last summer that I can hit the beach in this summer. I am experimenting with the Go Gratitude (www.gogratitude.com) symbol in sterling silver wire as a reminder of my gratitude for my beautiful, perfectly healthy and functional body.

Right Where I Belong

Have you ever heard of "divine timing"? Its the reason you sometimes feel like you don't fit in or things just aren't going the way you want them to, or why you haven't gotten "there" yet- assuming you know where it is you want to be. Divine timing, I was reminded yesterday, as I pulled it from my angel oracle deck, means that certain things have to happen in order for you to get where you need to be. Haven't you ever gained completion of something and seen that the precarious situations that seemed so wrong were actually essential to the achievement of that final outcome? O.K., So right at this very moment, I am here to remind you that you are right where you need to be. Let your heart rest easy and worry not. Hold yourself in gratitude for all the hardships that have brought you to this point and remember to enjoy the journey because it will all be over too fast.

This belly chain contains Sugilite, which is described as one of the major love stones. It also serves as a conduit of information, reminding you of why you are here and what your purpose is. Judy Hall writes in The Crystal Bible that sugilite is useful for misfits of any kind, which I interpret as helping you know of your own divine timing. Misfits are only misfits until the puzzle comes entirely together, then they know exactly where they fit. Some of the most revered people in history were misfits. Think of Van Gogh. So, you are right where you belong. Remember to trust yourself and enjoy your journey as well as the destination.

Make My Day

I am a nurturer by nature. A giver. I have always been this way, feeling joyful in the action of making someone else feel good. I like to comfort and reassure. I find my true self when this part of me is in action. For the past year and a half, I have been trying to allow my talents and gifts evolve into action. For now, what you see before you is the fruit of that evolution. The melding of what makes me happy with that which I am good at. This piece represents the first person who began not as a friend of a friend, or even someone who knew of me, but someone who found me, as I want to be found, and allowed me to do what I do; reach out, from a distance and nurture. The stones carry the energy and intention beautifully, as beautifully as words, only more tangible. I thank you Kim, for finding me and igniting what I hope will be a blazing fire and a journey that touches many souls.

Kim requested a bracelet. I am willing to make for you what ever you feel you need or are ready for. I am especially skilled at listening and interpreting what your therapeutic needs might be. Try me. It will make me so happy!!!

There's More Where That Came From

Two years ago, I lost my position as a pharmaceutical representative with Merck. I had worked for Merck for nine years and being the loyal, patient person that I am, probably never would have left. A realignemnt of the sales force left me without my job but allowed me to retain my dignity and gradually, through the generosity of severance pay, learn how to cope as a "kept woman". I used to juggle like nobody's business. My marriage, role as a mother, stepmother, hardworking member of a team, educated, intellegent, informed face in front of physicians, and of course, I had my own creative needs.... Thinking back on it now, I don't know how I did it. I am now a full time mother, stepmother, wife, writer, photographer, jewelry designer and creator, etc.... I also keep the house running, the bills paid, the oil changed in the car, the animals fed, I work in the classroom, try and exercise regularly, maintain friendships not to mention the almost daily trips to all the different grocery stores. I know you know what I am talking about because your life is most likely very similar to mine. Do you find yourself with a half an hour and no comitments and ask yourself, "What can I get done in this small window of time?" Do you weigh the pros and cons of not picking up the toys that litter the living room floor and what you could do for your self during the time it would take for you to vacuume the scuzzy carpet? I do. My house in not even close to clean and is infrequently tidy. I figure that eventually, the kids will grow up and retreat to the confines of their rooms and in time, a long time, they will move away. My husband and I will have a zen sanctuary with bubbling fountains in our gardens and sleek yet comfortably modern furnuiture in our living areas that we will be proud to share with friends. Yes, we will have it all. Abundance, prosperity, time to relax and enjoy the quiet .... ahhhhhh.

This belly chain was created utilizing stones to attract wealth and abundance. As I put it together it emitted a feeling of never-ending resources. Of all that was needed would be there, for me or anyone else. Its name is "There's More Where That Came From" and I truly believe there is. This morning I had five children under the age of six running around the house and screaming, slamming doors, tossing pillows. You can imagine. They asked, as I was getting them out of the car at school, if I had any dollars to "kidnap Ms. Faulkner" - a PTA fun way to fundraise for a thank you lunch for the teachers at the end of the year. All I had were three fives and two singles, so I handed them out- one bill for each child. I figured that there would be more where that came from.

My Most Embarassing Moment

This is me. You may have noticed that in this picture, I am wearing a hat. And gloves. It was December, 2005. My sisters and I made reservations at some shee-shee hotel in Beverly Hills to surprise our mother for her 59th birthday by taking her and all of our female children (minus the two youngest) to high tea. I made Mom a card and insisted that we all don hats and gloves for this special occasion. My sisters thought this was a VERY BAD idea. They said, "we wouldn't be caught dead in vintage hats and gloves- no way- absolutely not." Mom said she would do it, as I knew she would. She is always game for adding a little theatrical spice to her experiences, but again, the big sisters said NO. So, being the defiant woman, and little sister that I am, I tucked a chice hat and pair of gloves from Mom's extensive vintage dress-up collection into my hand bag and off we went to tea. After our order was taken, I pulled my accessories out and put them on. "You are NOT wearing that!!" one of my sisters said, and yet, her amusement was evident, as it always is when she tells me that I have on a "NICE getup". I love this response so much that I often don creative "get-ups" just for her. My secret? I'm beyond mortification. I have been in more humiliating, embarassing situations than I can count. I haven't died yet, and It seems that these situations are always good for a laugh. For example, eighth grade, I forgot to zip my fly after fouth period P.E. on the day that all my respectable panties were dirty and I was forced to wear the ones with the kids bowling in hot pink graphics. As I sat innocently on the grass eating my lunch, Peter Gentry, a very cute and popular boy, stood over me and said, "nice underwear" with a sneer. Yeah, these things stay with you, obviously. Then there was the time in 11th grade when I walked very quickly down the crowded hall, between classes to the bathroom only to find a baseball sized spot of blood on the back of my white Norma Kamali skirt. I've gone down the slopes in the "bucket" after doing my impersonation of a human snow ball, sang solo and slightly off key at my sister's wedding, been seen in multitudes of creative but not necessarily fashionable "get ups", called people by the wrong name, had my slip show, have forgotten to wear a slip, had lipsick on my teeth, had my breast exposed or my skirt pulled down by a tantruming toddler, I have even called attention to my, large, wide ass by dancing to the song I Like Big Butts for out family talent show,and much much more. I am immune to embarassment. I actually LIKE the spice it gives to my life and others' by taking the seriousness out and putting humility and humor in. So, next time you have an embarassing moment or have the opportunity to dress up, I would like to encourage you to stand out instead of blending in. Take the risk of embarassing yourself. It won't kill you, it will remind you that you are human and part of being truly human is making "mistakes" and feeling silly. I can assure you that during our summer vacation together, I will be donning some choice get-ups for the amusement of my sisters, mother, nieces and nephews, brothers in law, step father, my children and husband. If it sparkles, shines or has feathers, I'm wearing it.

Leap of Love

By reaching out and saying what we need, we are able to activate the universe to deliver. So often, I am bothered by something, or feel despondent, alone or in pain, and my salvation comes when I talk it out. It's like taking out the trash. After I've done it, really emptied all the worries, fears and issues honestly, I feel relief, and I can go on. I am lucky. I have two sisters, a mother and friends whom I employ regularly as my heart's trash collectors. They are supportive, non judgemental and loving, no matter what. I am also skilled at reciprocating the favor, to anyone who needs me. I know how powerful it can be to unload the negativity and resentment, the fear and the worry from your heart. The truth is, that even if your outlet is a journal or a pet, a trustworthy stranger or your guardian angel, you are not alone and these burdens need not be yours to bear. Let the universe help with your load and trust that you are heard, seen and loved. And just remember that we are all made from the same stardust and even in our solitude, we will always be connected, supported, nurtured and loved.

This belly chain is called Leap of Love and it is made of pink chalcedony, rhodonite, rhodochosite, rose quartz, pearl and ruby. It offers love, strength, healing, vitality, energy and compassion among other things.

Good Vibration

I hear and read every day that the vibration on the planet is changing. The shift will take us all to a higher vibration. One of Love. I had the pleasure of experiencing the feeling of this shift one evening recently when I attennded a gathering with Julie Anne Blackmore, www.howtobeyou.com. The guidence she gave was that when you can let go, emotionally, of ALL attatchments, to people, things, outcomes, history, opinions, reactions, and just BE (you), you reach this state. You (I, actually) give because you want to, you are kind and loving because it makes YOU happy, you are compassionate without taking on other people's pain and suffering, you CHOOSE not to take on other peoples anger, aggression, malice and fear. You CHOOSE to exist in love every second of every day. So, I tried this, letting go of all attatchments, of fear of losing, of fear of not having enough, of not HAVING my children , my husband, my family, friends, my car, my beads, my cats, all the things I love. I let go of all the past and all the future- wiping my mental slate clean. I was O.K. with the thought of LOSING, because.....well, because, I just was. Then it happened. My body started vibrating. First it was like a shiver, but it kept on escalating. It traveled from my scalp to my toes, vibrating, on and on. It was the most amazing feeling. I asked Julie Anne, "is THIS what it means? The vibrational change on the planet?" Of course, she said yes, the vibration on the planet is changing, one person at a time. When we can let go of our fear, our anger, our attatchments to outcomes and things, ideas and people, and exist in love and compassion, for the sake of our own selfish desire to feel these things, our own vibration changes and it can be felt. All over the planet.

The vibrational buzz lasted all that night and a few more times the next day, but for me, this shift is a process, an evolution. I still slip back into fear of not having enough, of conservation. This belly chain represents my evolution. I started making it, using the stones I was drawn to. It has a lot of precious (and expensive) gems like emerald, peridot, chrysoprase, opal, and malechite. I shut down that voice inside of me that was afraid of not having enough emeralds for later and I used all that I wanted. As I was working, I started feeling happy, jovial really. The chain came together and was not calculated or planned, it was just born. At completion, in my hand, I held a piece that could be called nothing but JOVIAL HEART, because that is the way it made me feel. My heart was happy. So in letting go, I got the greatest gift. And in these words, and actions, I will try to live because the feeling of love and happiness are so amazing. I hope you feel it soon and often too.

Courageous Endevor

I have been letting my inspiration run, unleashed. Making what I want, what I feel, and not conforming to any rules. The center stone of this piece is Botswana agate. It reminds me of Saturn's rings. It makes me feel far off and mysterious. Like anything could happen. The black stones are obsidian and they have some reflective mica sparkle that makes me wonder about what was happening to that lava as it pooled and crystalized. Mysterious, unchained, uncharted energy. I added aquamarine, smoky quartz and crystal quartz to the mystery. Grounding, protective and healing. This piece is called Courageous Endevor. It represents taking the risky route and letting my intuition guide me on my path. I hope you can follow a similar path and make your own courageous maneuver. You know, the kind of thing that puts a half-smile on your face.

Inner Sun

Sparks of light ignite to life my cells.
A fire within burns and warms each centimeter of the space in which I exist.
My soul dances
Alight and aloft in celebration of its journey. Of its being.
My will to live is infectious.

Written February 2005 by Shelley

This Belly chain is called INNER SUN. The poem explains what it does.

True Love

Today is Mother's Day. I am both a daughter and a mother and what I can tell you is that motherhood represents the first true love. As a child I remember feeling such a deep feeling of love for my mother, the thought of losing her made me ache and cry with pain. As I grew, this desparate fear subsided and I was able to appreciate the entertainment value of our relationship. Anyone who knows my mother will agree that she is an incredible woman. Funny, smart, creative, generous and loving. I think I love the fact that she has always been a fun and amusing companion most. We have amazing discussions, laughing often. My mother writes poetry. It flows through her. She can't help herself. She practically speaks in prose. She never ceases to amuse me. A couple of years ago she fell backwards from a standing position down a short flight of concrete stairs. She spent her 57th birthday in the ICU and could have easily died from the intracranial bleeding and swelling. Not only did she pull through, she wrote the most amazing poem about the experience. Anyone who can take this situation, write about it, and in the telling, make you laugh and smile is someone extraordinary. Yeah. My mom really is amazing. And I know it. I don't take our relationship for granted. She was my first, truest and deepest love. Happy Mother's Day.

Manifest Your Destiny

About six months ago, my five year old daughter, Kieran, informed me that she wished for a kitten. She pleaded and begged. She made promises. She showed a willingness to learn. Because I too wanted her to have the experience of growing up with a cat, I told her that for her sixth birthday she could have a kitten. I asked her to tell me about her kitten. What was it like? She said her kitten was an orange, female tabby named "Clarissa". My daughter is very creative. She drew this picture for me, so that I would know what her kitten looked like. She found a blank paged bound journal and filled every page with pictures of her and Clarissa and their adventures together. She had us write the words that she dictated. She called the book, LUCKY DAY and it is a great piece of work. In LUCKY DAY, Clarissa sleeps on Kieran's bed. She sometimes dresses up as an angel or a clown. She is playful and mischevious. She is sweet and affectionate. The perfect feline companion.
Yesterday Kieran turned six. As she slept, curled up next to her was her manifestation, Clarissa, just as she described her. Orange tabby, playful and sweet, quiet and confident. I've never had such a kitten. My mom was detirmined to be the one to find Kieran's kitten. After looking on line and putting the word out to friends, last week she was hooked up with a friend in L.A. who's neighbor had discovered a mother cat with a litter of kittens under her house. There was an orange, female tabby in the litter. I was concerned because feral kittens are hard to socialize sometimes, can de infested with deadly parasites and can easily die due to their challenged start. After three days under the bed, a successful trip to the vet and a lot of flea combing, Clarissa seems to be everything Kieran asked for. She is truly a manifested destiny.

I'm Not Perfect

I haven't cried this much in six months, since the last time I stretched out of my comfort zone, ready to grow. Yesterday, self doubt made me vulnerable. What I do with gemstones is risky. I make a promise. I take a leap. It's hard to prove. I imply that I have power, that we all do. I go out on a limb. Sometimes I question myself. Can I REALLY do this? Am I qualified? Can people really trust me? The loudest voice inside of me says YES!!!! That voice says, " you are a spiritual being on a human journey. You are not meant to be perfect all the time. Sometimes you will be wrong, you will make mistakes, you will say, "I'm sorry". But what you are doing, is from your heart. It is not forced, it flows. You come from love and you feel love when you work. You infuse your love into every piece you make. There is nothing but good in this." So, intuitively, I know that I am capable, trustworthy and engaging in my life's work. So, what made me cry so hard yesterday is that someone I respect, who has been working with stones longer than I have, held up a mirror to me and questioned my process and my use of gemstones for therapeutic purposes. The small amount of self doubt in me, that will probably always lurk in every healthy practitioner, showed itself and hit a nerve, causing a flood of tears. If I were counseling someone in the exact situation, I would tell them, "Keep going. It's O.K. to risk making mistakes, this is how you learn things. Keep trusting your gut, your intuition. When people question your abilities, thank them and listen. Good leaders are not gods. Those who never admit their mistakes or their shortcomings are not true leaders or practitioners (remeber Hitler, and countless others who became dangerous and deadly in their arrogant ignorance)." And because I can be gentle and nurturing with others, I am also gentle and nurturing to myself and I will take this good advice. This, and I have received feedback from too many people that my work is valuable and helpful that I can not ignore.

This belly chain was created for my sister, Stephanie, who has always been psychic but sometimes questions her messages and her abilities. This piece was created to strengthen her gifts, and protect her while she works. Steph, take my advice that I gave to myself. It is good advice.

Help Yourself

One of the secrets to the joyous life I have discovered for myself is passing it on. You want joy, pass it on. You want love, pass it on. You want recognition, pass it on. Give it away to get it. Pass it on to make it flow. More than half of the jewelry I make is given away. Sometimes I create un unexpected surprize and just send something off. The joy I get from reaching out and shaking up someone's day is so enlivening for me. I get a spark of desire to do something for someone else and it instantly fires me up with creative energy, drive, inspiration and happiness. This works in relationships too. You want an apology- say you're sorry. You want a hug- give one. You want aknowledgement- give it. You want to have a meaningful friendship- be a true friend. You want generosity- give give give. The secret is to risk by being the first one to act. Try it. It may inspire those you encounter to be less selfish, less superficial, less angry, less self-centered, less rude, more friendly, more open, more fun, more generous, more loving, more apologetic, more attentive and of course, more happy. This piece is fire agate, green tourmaline, moss agate, tiger's eye, hessonite garnet. It is a piece to be worn close to the heart for the treatment of depression. Who should I send it to?